8 things:p

ive been tagged by my lovely friend cupid..
love u cupid for your sweet words and comments that make my day:* h
extra hugs n kisses for u


8 things im looking forward to:
1. falling head in heels in love and him loving me back MORE
2. going to lebanon in the summer
3. getting a promotion at work *enshalaaaaa ya rab
4. getting married or any of my beautiful sisters getting married
5. the weekend: i need my beauty sleep
6. getting thinner (since im dieting);p
7. having LONGER hair (its near my target now;p)
8. reading celebrity gossip blogs:P

8 things i wish i can do:
1. be anywhere at any given time
2. open my own boutique
3. finding the ONE and settling down
4. doing my masters in D.C
5. not being too nice to ppl and being taken advantage of
6. go back to the 1950s and kiss Omar al Sherif
7. fall in love at first sight
8. owning houses all over the world: paris,london,spain

8 things i love:
1. my family
2. my grandmother allh yer7ma who i think of all the time
3. my best friend from 20 yrs(mshalla..hehe allh e5aleha ley enshala)
4. my blackberry hehehe
5. my hair:p
6. sleeping
7. DUBAI
8. dancing like a manic in the car and cruising:P

8 things i did yesterday:
1.buy a gift
2. chatting online
3. asking advice from a friend abt my love situation
4. take an afternoon nap
5. having a long fone call
6. calming down a friend who was having a mini nervous breakdown
7. wishing for something GREAT to happen
8. watching house

8 shows i watched:
1. gossip girl
2.house
3. 90210 -yawn
4. friday night lights -LOVE
5. one tree hill - LOVE LOVE
6. grey's anatomy - so sad
7.dirty sexy money
8. heroes

8 bloggers i LOVE and tag..
1. Cupid
2. M
3.love:**
4. fxyz
5. a*mode
6. dazzlin
7. cute and cuddly
8.3anooda

damn luck!

ive been laying low for a while
things haven't been going as expected..

we started off again beautifully.. me and fahad..
things were going more than amazing..
it was a dream come true..
but i guess it was just a dream..
and i woke up..

let me tell u what happened..

on a regular day..
fahad called me up..
we were just talking...
really
very casual..
he was out with his dad..
so he had to go..

his dad was super conseravtive and didnt know about us
his mom was the cool one..
she knew all along abt us
and pretty much knew our histroy since high skool..

so im bored at home..
listening to music..
putting on my nailposh..
i decide to send Fahad a cute msg..
just a simple msg..

"miss u..kisses"

i get no response..
thats weird..
one hour
two hours
three hours
four hours..
now i panic...
i mean i know its just four hours..but fahad is the type of guy who calls n texts a lot..

then late at night..
around 12ish i get a call from him...

he seemed weird
pissed
really pissed..
"fahad baby eshfeek 7agernii elyoum"
fahad: y3ni sij mat3rfeen shno swaitay elyoum
im stunned by his harsh tone..
his attitude
his anger

what did i do..


fahad coninues: do u know that my dad read ur stupid msg
i tense up..
who is he to call my msg stupid..
i stay quiet..
i didnt know what to say

he continues: y3ni u know i was with my dad..laish u send a msg..
i cut him off and say: o why wud he check ur fone min bed kil elayam..
y3ni how would i know..and why are u so mad..

fahad ignores me and continues: do u know how embaressed and little u made me infront of my dad..
he got so mad at me..
he told me to end this between us
he doesnt want me to lead on girls..

here i feel as if my body was boiling..
i was PISSED..
so mad...
i cut him off rudely: listen..first of all, im not any girl..i am ur girl..u said u want me as ur wife..
why couldnt u just tell ur dad that..its not like i sent the msg on purpose..

fahad: chofay yara..my dad is right.. i shouldnt be doing this..i cant marry you a9lan

even though i was crying at this point i didnt want to let him know..
: look if u want to let go of me this quick hay shay raje3 lak..ana i just sent a msg..3ady..its not like it was on purpose..ur the the one that came back to me..ur the one who started things..
what do u think i am a game to u
why do u keep playing with me
im not your F----KIG puppet fahad..
youm ull mary me
youm ur scared from ur dad o u dont want me anymore

so ur leading me on..
so i guess im the stupid one right..

listen ill make it easy for u
i will not call u or msg u again..
happy?
dont worry about ur dad reading ur msgs anymore..

fahad was stunned....
taken back by yara's anger
and honesty,,
was he really treating her like his own personal yo-yo..

he was quiet..
yara: i need to go..
(i couldnt hold my tears any longer)..

damn my luck..

why did u come back and break my heart all over again..

this killed fahad..
he wanted to think of what to say to fix it,,
he couldnt think of anything..

yara: bye..take care
i didnt even wait for a bye..
and just shut it..

2 seconds later
i get a msg
" its so rude that u didnt wait for me to say bye"

NO RESPONSE..
i ignore..

i literally cry my eyes out
sobbing
i called the first person to come to my mind
my best friend
and child hood friend
and tell her what had happened..

he was an ass
a coward
scared of his dad


do i really want to be with someone like that..


until next time:*

Once in a Lifetime

i dont think i have ever been this happy..
i havent been writing in my post..i thought id jinx it..
but nw i feel im ready to do so..

fahad and i talked and talked
for days it seemed..
we get each other's jokes
we get each other's mood swings..
i know what he likes..
he knows what i dont like..
its going really well..
the first couple of days were a bit awkward..

let me tell u about seeing him after all these years..
i got a msg on my blackberry..saying.." wana do coffee:P"
i literally freaked out..
i havent seen fahad for a very very very long time..
i had butterflies in my stomache
i called my best friend..and she told me not to panic.
fahad loves me
and i should make the most of my time with him.instead of freaking out..
i get ready..
wear light makeup...he's not a fan of makeup..

i get out of my car..i see him outside the coffeshop..wearing my AIX cap..that blue cap
waiting for me
his whole face lights up
(btw im actually getting tears writing this..sorry very emotional time for me)
all my fears go OUT THE window..
i become me again
i feel like the old me again
i smile back..
and send him a fly kiss..
I hear his laugh..
oh..that laugh...ive mised hearing that..

i get close to him..
he comes closer..
he stretches out his hand.
i push it away and gently pull him closer for a hug..
(i know i know..a little bit forward but i really cant help it)
we hug..and i can smell the amazing smell of his perfume..Creed..i love that smell...
he hugs me..not wanting to let go..
i couldnt help but cry..
to my suprise..
Fahad starts to get tears in his eyes..he's so not the crying type..
i wipe away his tear..
he kisses my forehead..
and inhales my scent..
"Yara..ive missed u so much"

That was by far the sweetest reunion ever..
im in love
in love again..

he was the one that got away but came back..
we have had our problems..
we have tried to move on with other ppl with no luck..
i truly do belive that there are people that come once in a lifetime.
and to me thats my Fahad..
he is my once in a lifetime..

he is the love of my life..
he is the guy that has adored me for years and years..
with him its just easy
i think if realtionships are complicated then,its not meant to be..
with Fahad..it was easy..
loving him was easy
thats why i was a wreck when he left me..

" i love u fahad.we have grown up together..we have loved each other..we have grown apart by we have come back which is the most important thing from all of this..thank u for coming back to me..you are my true and only soulmate..with you i am complete..you are my other half..my better half..i light up around u..
a7bek..walah ana amoot feek
and im lucky to know u and have u

baby..my baby..
you have made me the happiest person


to all my friends who are reading this..i love u
thank u for ur comments that have inspired me always..
thank u for worrying about me
:)
im finally healed..

OUT OF THE BLUE!!!

two days earlier: (Still the present)

Aliyah came back from the gym exhausted..
she was upset about her new breakup..
she was really looking forward to this guy
and things were going well.
she was fed up.she needed to MOVE ON with her life..she had to move on..it was time for her..
and it was getting too late she feared..

she kept thinking about that loser of a guy..and going over possibilites to why he would end it with her so quickly..
was it because he was younger
or was it because he had a lot going on with his family problems..can it be that..or was it just her
had he hated the way she looked..
funny thing was they looked alike..
and Aliyah did something she never did before..she only told her best friend..that was it
no one knew about her new guy..
he was her secret..
aliyah was a blabber..trusting ppl with her issues and problems and this got her NOWHERE..
thats why she had decided to play it safe with the new guy..
she was caring but not too caring
she was sweet but not too romantic..
and she wasnt clingy after all..a trait she belived she had accquired after losing Fahad..

she took a long hot shower..just thinking and recapping abt this..
she went to her room..put on her fav creams and sprays..(this was a ritual she had..pampering herself was one of her fav things to do..) she put on her fav cream of the moment..bath and body works vanilla..which smelled heaVENLY....

she sat on her bed..got her laptop and opened the latest episodes of grey's anatomy which she had downloaded..
she was deeply watching it with full concentration..
then her fone rang..
it was a weird number
Aliyah's heart fluttered
is it him
was he calling her to apologize....it had to be..

Aliyah picked it up and to her suprise..
she heard a familiar voice
a voice she would never forget
or ever will for that matter..

Fahad: halla Aliyah
Aliyah in shock: halla Fahad sh5barik
Fahad: mshalla 3laich 3refteny 3gb kil hal sneen
Aliyah without thinking said the first thing in her mind: eshlon ansa 9outik.mgdar
then she went quiet..it had just registerd to her what she had said!!! she wanted to play it cool but ofcourse when its a significant ex all words go out the window!!
Fahad: im sure ur suprised why i called..i just wanted to tell u....this is really hard and u might think im weird for being so honest but

..
..
..
..
..
..
.

i broke off my engagment.. i couldnt go through it anymore..
i still love u Aliyah..

Aliyah was in shock and disbelief..the phone literally dropped from her hands and she had to pick it up
the day she had been waiting for her had come...
she was waiting for Fahad
it was always Fahad
deep down she was wishing he would come back
she had only decided to move on after she had lost ALL hope since there was no communication btw them for FOUR years..

Fahad continued: its been four years..ive missed u everyday of these years.
i keep picking up the fone and shutting it
i couldnt make this call
i wanted to forgive u
bs i was so stubborn
i thought i would find someone else to make me forget
but actually it made me love u and appreciate u more
u were young
and we all make mistakes
ive made my fair share of my mistakes and u would alwys forgive me..
who am i to judge..
i just want to tell u
give me a chance..
i want u
u r the one for me
i want to marry u
not someone else..
it was alwys u Aliyah
im so sorry for pushing u away..

i dont know what to expect..i know this is out of the blue for u
but when i got engaged
and realized how serious it was
i couldnt go thru it
i couldnt hurt the girl anymore
i didnt love her
and i couldnt
no girl measures up to u in my eyes..

so Aliyah
what im trying to say is

"wil u give me another chance?"




to be continued....

to my readers

hello:*

i hope uve missed me as ive missed u guys.
thank you for ur kind msgs and thoughtful comments..
i guess i was going thru a semi- depression after my breakup..
i hope u understand..
i will not stop the blog..
and a new post will be there tonight..

thanks once again..
i really do love u all
and cant give u up! sorry for my crazy outburst:P

xxxooo

no comment..the end.

to my readers..

ive posted a problem..a real problem im facing and i get a mere three comments..
im really down
and i thought i can count on ur help
but i guess i asked for too much
im falling apart..
and i wanted ur support and advice
i wanted to hear inputs..
i wanted to know what u think
i thank those that commented..it means a lot that they are there for me when i need them

anyways i have decided not to post anymore
and will delete my blog..
i just need the strength to do it.


anyways..
to my readers all i can say is no comment..

i guess i can try to figure it out by myself..


bye my readers..hope u enjoyed my story..
it has reached the end of its course..

Right Now!

Yesterday:

i waited..
i was nervously looking at my phone,checking the time..
i was at a friend's birthday dinner and all i can think about was Him...

it was 9pm and still nothing
it was 10pm and nothing

just as i was about to leave i recieve two weird texts from my guy..
first txt is simply my name..
how weird
second txt is him telling me that he has low battery incase i call and his fone is switched off,,

whats going on here?
what had changed him..
why is he acting distant and aloof..
i knew all along in the back of my head..
it was all becuase of the day before..

let me give u a recap..
the previous day:

it was our first date!
fist date..
we agree to meet for coffee..we've been talking for quite some time and he really wanted to meet up
He was so sweet and caring and thoughtful
and i really feel for him
i usually have my guards up and a barrier to my heart
but with him it was all different

i opened up to him and truly let him in
i welcomed him with open arms
and was finally letting go of my prior demons
he opened up to me and confided in me..which i absolutely loved..

during our coffee date, im shy
and he's not
i keep playing with any object on the table to help me ease my tension
and he picks up on that
and jokes about it
he finds it enduring..

we talk and talk
it was your amazing first date..
where u cant look in his eyes for too long since ur shy
i was blushing
he was too

he was saying all the right things..

i stay for an hour only since it is afterall only date one..

he walks me to my car and opens the door..

i was estatic
literally flying on air..
so i wait a bit and send him a txt msg ..i know i know bad move
i just couldnt wait till he sends one..
i KNEW it was mutaul..
and we had just stumbled on SOMETHING GREAT...us

there was chemistry..and just overall...a good feeling about the whole thing...
we were set-up by our friends..
they thought we would make a cute couple..and also..we kinda look alike which is cute
both of us are fair..

he sends msgs back and forth..
and i was happy all throughout my day...

that night i wait for a call and i get nothing..
just a msg saying he had a fight with his dad and he's in a bad mood..

the next day (which is yesterday)..

i wait..for a txt..
for a call
for anything
i mean i just saw the guy..he's supposed to be calling and texting more
not the other way round
i was begining to doubt..
then i got a txt
very cold
very aloof from him

my doubts get the best of me..and i think of what had i done
did i say something in our date?
did he not like the way i look? this was getting the best of me..my self-esteem was slowly going down and down..

so..all day i wait for his call..since he said in the txt he will call..
i get nothing..
absolutely Nothing!

i get upset more and more by the hour
is he just in a bad mood..
i just feel something is wrong..

then at around 1pm..
i get a msg from him
FINALLY..
i smile..im sure he was texting to tell me what he's up to and when he will call..

to my shock
he sends a very long msg..
talking about how hes not ready for commitmment and hes not in a place right now in his life to be in a realtionship..
and that im a "very sweet girl"
i cringe..
i re-read the msg over and over again in disbelief..
was that a prank forward..
it wasnt
this was really him
what had gone wrong after date no.1?
during the date we talked about date no.2 and he was telling me lets plan something early on the week..
the date was flawless.
so what changed him..

i started crying
and crying.
till i had no tears..
i was hurt
i had let myself go
and this is what i get..
i was really hurt..
i was looking at the whole thing as a BIG picture..
how can he dump me after our date
he was the one who dying over me
REALLY...
i was going over what was said..
did i say something??
did i do something?

i was being myself..and i totally let him in my life..
i had gotten so used to him..
i was falling for him..

was it really my looks?
ppl compliment me on my looks but maybe im just not his cup of tea
can that be the case?

was it something i said in the date?
i just cant put a finger on what had gone wrong

we are in diff places in our life..maybe that was his issue..
i dont know..maybe he wanted to play around and im not that girl for it..
from what our friends told me he wanted a realtionship so why not with me:(
is there something wrong with me?




i JUST DONT know..

im so sick and tired of being out there..
im fed up


my readers..i tell u everything about me..can you pls help me out ...im really upset..
im at home writing this.i didnt have the heart to go to work..
explain to me what went wrong..
im really really upset abt Him