K-U-W-A-I-T

i was heading to Bahrain International Airport.

my sister dropped me..

i was dressed down in my Juicys..i picked an electric blue..to uplift my mood..

i had my aviators on..and my hair was in full motion- very goldylocks..except it was light brown;p

i tried to cheer myself up..

going in the duty free i noticed a cutie checking me out..

he was really tall..

and wearing sweatpants..abercrombie..

hmm...nice...

he was dressed in a fit grey shirt and navy sweatpants..

as if he stepped out of a magazine..

really..

he was cute

he caught me checking him out as well.

and smiled..

usually i would look away and act all serious and aloof..

however since this was a weekend of fun.

i decided to LIVE A little..

i smiled..

heheh

and he smiled even wider..

i walked away...looking at what to get..

the usual makeup stuff..

then suddenly i heard a manly cough

i looked around..

and found my abercrombie guy waiting for me...

all he said was : Hi

i smiled..

i didnt even feel shy for some reason..

i was like : Hi

he was a little bit embaressed and he said: im really sorry i dont usually say hi to random girls in airports..( i laughed)

he eased up..

and continued: so,,mm..my name is ahmed


to be continued..

post- wedding blues

so ive been feeling sorry for myself..
looking at old pics..
talking to our mutal friends about it..

i was sad..
the day of the wedding..
i was msging my friend who was there..

hmm...he didnt invite me
my friends thought it was rude but seriosuly i cant go to his wedding and watch him with someone else..
i was in a state of being heartbroken..
i wasnt in the mood to go out or see anyone..
i wanted to be by myself.

i realized a lot of things about myself..
1. i shouldnt give myself a hard time for what i did when i was younger
2. i should let go and embrace life
3. i shouldnt live in the past (i.e listen to sad music and look at old pics and memories of us)
4. i should suuround myself with positive and energetic ppl and not friends who put me down,.


with this frame of mind, i decided to let go of this depression..
i will find a guy who will love me even more than fahad
and will not let me go..

so i decided what any girl does to cheer herself up.
i packed my bags and visited my best friend from college in kuwait,,,
WEEEEKEEEND TRIP...

help me

I cant sleep..im in bed..trying to stop thinking of u..i really want to call u..im so close to doing it..im thinking bk and forth..call him..or not..call him or not..call him or not.. Im scared it backfires on me.imagine he's rude..he mite be a diff fahad from what i know.can i handle that..we havent talked for a very long time..can i handle it or will it make things even harder.. U knw im thinking to pass by ur wedding just from the outside..i know..im so pathetic..i want to see u on ur wedding day..will u b happy?? Dear readers pls help me out in my tough situation,,im lost,confused,hurt and heartbroken..i am in need of a guy's advice!!! Im falling apart......

three days..

three days left...

im thinking of you
still thinking of you all the time

my friends tell me to get over it
its been so long
and how come im still hung up on u
they dont understand how much i love u
i have never in my life felt this way about anyone
they have never felt this way
or they would have understood what im feeling

i look at my fone all the time
every call i think its you
and my heart sinks a little everytime its not you

i go out
and i think il see u with her
i want to see u with her
i want to see what u will do
will u act like u dont know me
or will u look at me with those big eyes of yours and tell me you love me with them

i can read your eyes
thats how well i know you
and how well you know me
we dont need to talk
we dont need to say anything
we understand each other on a different level..
if i see u
atleast i can know what ur thinking about
i really want to see u

i go out
looking for u
searching for u
where are you Fahad..

at home.i listen to our songs..
i close my eyes
to take me back to the time
i was urs
and you were mine
my head is somewhere else these days
i daydream all the time
wishing it was real..

i want to feel your touch
i want to feel your kiss
i want to touch your face..
i really do..

i go back in time with our memories..

remember when we were walking by the beach at night
and your holding my hand not letting go of me
and we kissed
that perfect kiss
no one was there but us
it seemed like out of a book..
we sat on the sand
you were facing me just looking at me.
telling me how much u loved me..your eyes..so honest..so inviting..
we talked about our future
i could touch my dream..
it all went away in a flash..

everything reminds me of u
i know this is such a cliche to say
but its true..
songs remind me of u
my room reminds me of u
" it was 2000, around 11 or so...first time we talked on the fone for hours and hours and we had skool the next day..
remember fahad?
our first fone call..
i was so happy..

i go back to the time of our graduation as well..
when you kissed me
in that hidden corrider
hoping that no one will see us..
remember that fahad?

i dont want to let you go
what can i do?
im lost and confused..
you broke me
i cant be with anyone else
its not fair..
have u cursed me
i am unable to love after u
thats not normal..
its been years
i just cant seem to take that step..
i cant let you go
i dont want to love anyone but you
i dont want to go out with anyone but you
i dont want to kiss anyone but you

remember our first date fahad
i blush everytime i think of it

i cry everyday at night
no one knows how much i really love you but me
i dont think you even know how much i really care
cuz if u do
trust me you will be with me

i want to hear your voice..
i wish i can call you
but im so scared of your reaction
i know you'll act all tough and be cold with me
i cant handle that right now..
its not fair..

if i can go back in time
i wont do that mistake..i will take good care of u..
i hate the way i think
im not supposed to think like that but i do..its not healthy
im really scared

if you do go ahead with your wedding
should i just give up..

you know what your cousin told me the other day
she was like he might get a divorce u never know and he will end up with you in the end after all
the way its supposed to be
imagine even ur cuzn thinks like that..
she knows we are meant to be..
i cant wait for that what if
i cant stop everything
ive done tht for years
and you have not acknowledged it
you have ignored me
i deserve it
for what i did
but not to this extent..
should i let u go after u go ahead with this marriage..
should i give up on u and forget u

i wish i can do that
then i wouldnt be a mess..

I LOVE U FAHAD..
walah

my heart is killing me
literally, i can feel it break..
i thought ppl exagerate when they talk about heartaches and stuff
but its true
its all true

i know that when u go to bed
u think of me
looking at ur fone
thinking if u shud call or not
then u decide not to..
i know u so well..

if i see u
u mite break..
i want u to break and call me
and give in to me
ur strong without me
but when u see me
u crumble...i see it..
and u see it.

i just need to see u..i really do..

WEDDING COUNTDOWN!!

the wedding is in 4 days..
how can u say u love me when u picked her
how can u fall apart when u see me
but pick her
how can u long for me
but pick her..

it doesnt make sense..
ur initails are engraved in my class ring..
i cant wear that ring anymore..

your not mine..i hope that something happens in the next four days and u wake up
and come bk to me and to ur senses..

isnt that funny that i still have hope..
im pathetic
or is it because im that in love with you that i cant see the truth

You picked someone else
even though it was arranged
you shouldnt have gone thru with it

your so stubborn Fahad..
so stubborn
you would rather live your life with someone you dont love now..why would you do that..
stop being arrogant..
i know you too well..
get over it fahad..
admit it to urself
you love me
i know you do

u have these walls around ur heart
not wanting to get hurt
not wanting to let anyone in

u think what ur doing will make u happy
i will make u happy

god fahad..dont do this..

i look at our pictures..again..and again..
i love that pic of u with my A/X hat..baby blue looks so good on u..
i feel like ur looking at me when i look at that pic..
isnt that weird..
im losing it..
hmm...

fahad..i spray your scent in the pillow next to me..
i feel as if ur next to me..
remember the last time u were next to me ..
telling me how much u loved me
i close my eyes and go back to that day
u next to me in bed
whispering in my ear
how much u love me..
and how much u missed me..
and u actually cried from missing me so much..

i miss u
i miss the nice u
i miss the loving u
i miss the old u

please break down the walls
please come back to me

i made a mistake
im human..
why dont u forgive me and come back

your cousin called the other day..
i couldnt help it but ask about u
he told me how u think its weird that ur going out with ur so called "Wife" and its not me..
and how u have ur doubts..

im doubting the way u felt about me
dont ppl who love forgive?
isnt that whats loving someone all about..

was i really the one??

8 things:p

ive been tagged by my lovely friend cupid..
love u cupid for your sweet words and comments that make my day:* h
extra hugs n kisses for u


8 things im looking forward to:
1. falling head in heels in love and him loving me back MORE
2. going to lebanon in the summer
3. getting a promotion at work *enshalaaaaa ya rab
4. getting married or any of my beautiful sisters getting married
5. the weekend: i need my beauty sleep
6. getting thinner (since im dieting);p
7. having LONGER hair (its near my target now;p)
8. reading celebrity gossip blogs:P

8 things i wish i can do:
1. be anywhere at any given time
2. open my own boutique
3. finding the ONE and settling down
4. doing my masters in D.C
5. not being too nice to ppl and being taken advantage of
6. go back to the 1950s and kiss Omar al Sherif
7. fall in love at first sight
8. owning houses all over the world: paris,london,spain

8 things i love:
1. my family
2. my grandmother allh yer7ma who i think of all the time
3. my best friend from 20 yrs(mshalla..hehe allh e5aleha ley enshala)
4. my blackberry hehehe
5. my hair:p
6. sleeping
7. DUBAI
8. dancing like a manic in the car and cruising:P

8 things i did yesterday:
1.buy a gift
2. chatting online
3. asking advice from a friend abt my love situation
4. take an afternoon nap
5. having a long fone call
6. calming down a friend who was having a mini nervous breakdown
7. wishing for something GREAT to happen
8. watching house

8 shows i watched:
1. gossip girl
2.house
3. 90210 -yawn
4. friday night lights -LOVE
5. one tree hill - LOVE LOVE
6. grey's anatomy - so sad
7.dirty sexy money
8. heroes

8 bloggers i LOVE and tag..
1. Cupid
2. M
3.love:**
4. fxyz
5. a*mode
6. dazzlin
7. cute and cuddly
8.3anooda

damn luck!

ive been laying low for a while
things haven't been going as expected..

we started off again beautifully.. me and fahad..
things were going more than amazing..
it was a dream come true..
but i guess it was just a dream..
and i woke up..

let me tell u what happened..

on a regular day..
fahad called me up..
we were just talking...
really
very casual..
he was out with his dad..
so he had to go..

his dad was super conseravtive and didnt know about us
his mom was the cool one..
she knew all along abt us
and pretty much knew our histroy since high skool..

so im bored at home..
listening to music..
putting on my nailposh..
i decide to send Fahad a cute msg..
just a simple msg..

"miss u..kisses"

i get no response..
thats weird..
one hour
two hours
three hours
four hours..
now i panic...
i mean i know its just four hours..but fahad is the type of guy who calls n texts a lot..

then late at night..
around 12ish i get a call from him...

he seemed weird
pissed
really pissed..
"fahad baby eshfeek 7agernii elyoum"
fahad: y3ni sij mat3rfeen shno swaitay elyoum
im stunned by his harsh tone..
his attitude
his anger

what did i do..


fahad coninues: do u know that my dad read ur stupid msg
i tense up..
who is he to call my msg stupid..
i stay quiet..
i didnt know what to say

he continues: y3ni u know i was with my dad..laish u send a msg..
i cut him off and say: o why wud he check ur fone min bed kil elayam..
y3ni how would i know..and why are u so mad..

fahad ignores me and continues: do u know how embaressed and little u made me infront of my dad..
he got so mad at me..
he told me to end this between us
he doesnt want me to lead on girls..

here i feel as if my body was boiling..
i was PISSED..
so mad...
i cut him off rudely: listen..first of all, im not any girl..i am ur girl..u said u want me as ur wife..
why couldnt u just tell ur dad that..its not like i sent the msg on purpose..

fahad: chofay yara..my dad is right.. i shouldnt be doing this..i cant marry you a9lan

even though i was crying at this point i didnt want to let him know..
: look if u want to let go of me this quick hay shay raje3 lak..ana i just sent a msg..3ady..its not like it was on purpose..ur the the one that came back to me..ur the one who started things..
what do u think i am a game to u
why do u keep playing with me
im not your F----KIG puppet fahad..
youm ull mary me
youm ur scared from ur dad o u dont want me anymore

so ur leading me on..
so i guess im the stupid one right..

listen ill make it easy for u
i will not call u or msg u again..
happy?
dont worry about ur dad reading ur msgs anymore..

fahad was stunned....
taken back by yara's anger
and honesty,,
was he really treating her like his own personal yo-yo..

he was quiet..
yara: i need to go..
(i couldnt hold my tears any longer)..

damn my luck..

why did u come back and break my heart all over again..

this killed fahad..
he wanted to think of what to say to fix it,,
he couldnt think of anything..

yara: bye..take care
i didnt even wait for a bye..
and just shut it..

2 seconds later
i get a msg
" its so rude that u didnt wait for me to say bye"

NO RESPONSE..
i ignore..

i literally cry my eyes out
sobbing
i called the first person to come to my mind
my best friend
and child hood friend
and tell her what had happened..

he was an ass
a coward
scared of his dad


do i really want to be with someone like that..


until next time:*