help me

I cant sleep..im in bed..trying to stop thinking of u..i really want to call u..im so close to doing it..im thinking bk and forth..call him..or not..call him or not..call him or not.. Im scared it backfires on me.imagine he's rude..he mite be a diff fahad from what i know.can i handle that..we havent talked for a very long time..can i handle it or will it make things even harder.. U knw im thinking to pass by ur wedding just from the outside..i know..im so pathetic..i want to see u on ur wedding day..will u b happy?? Dear readers pls help me out in my tough situation,,im lost,confused,hurt and heartbroken..i am in need of a guy's advice!!! Im falling apart......

three days..

three days left...

im thinking of you
still thinking of you all the time

my friends tell me to get over it
its been so long
and how come im still hung up on u
they dont understand how much i love u
i have never in my life felt this way about anyone
they have never felt this way
or they would have understood what im feeling

i look at my fone all the time
every call i think its you
and my heart sinks a little everytime its not you

i go out
and i think il see u with her
i want to see u with her
i want to see what u will do
will u act like u dont know me
or will u look at me with those big eyes of yours and tell me you love me with them

i can read your eyes
thats how well i know you
and how well you know me
we dont need to talk
we dont need to say anything
we understand each other on a different level..
if i see u
atleast i can know what ur thinking about
i really want to see u

i go out
looking for u
searching for u
where are you Fahad..

at home.i listen to our songs..
i close my eyes
to take me back to the time
i was urs
and you were mine
my head is somewhere else these days
i daydream all the time
wishing it was real..

i want to feel your touch
i want to feel your kiss
i want to touch your face..
i really do..

i go back in time with our memories..

remember when we were walking by the beach at night
and your holding my hand not letting go of me
and we kissed
that perfect kiss
no one was there but us
it seemed like out of a book..
we sat on the sand
you were facing me just looking at me.
telling me how much u loved me..your eyes..so honest..so inviting..
we talked about our future
i could touch my dream..
it all went away in a flash..

everything reminds me of u
i know this is such a cliche to say
but its true..
songs remind me of u
my room reminds me of u
" it was 2000, around 11 or so...first time we talked on the fone for hours and hours and we had skool the next day..
remember fahad?
our first fone call..
i was so happy..

i go back to the time of our graduation as well..
when you kissed me
in that hidden corrider
hoping that no one will see us..
remember that fahad?

i dont want to let you go
what can i do?
im lost and confused..
you broke me
i cant be with anyone else
its not fair..
have u cursed me
i am unable to love after u
thats not normal..
its been years
i just cant seem to take that step..
i cant let you go
i dont want to love anyone but you
i dont want to go out with anyone but you
i dont want to kiss anyone but you

remember our first date fahad
i blush everytime i think of it

i cry everyday at night
no one knows how much i really love you but me
i dont think you even know how much i really care
cuz if u do
trust me you will be with me

i want to hear your voice..
i wish i can call you
but im so scared of your reaction
i know you'll act all tough and be cold with me
i cant handle that right now..
its not fair..

if i can go back in time
i wont do that mistake..i will take good care of u..
i hate the way i think
im not supposed to think like that but i do..its not healthy
im really scared

if you do go ahead with your wedding
should i just give up..

you know what your cousin told me the other day
she was like he might get a divorce u never know and he will end up with you in the end after all
the way its supposed to be
imagine even ur cuzn thinks like that..
she knows we are meant to be..
i cant wait for that what if
i cant stop everything
ive done tht for years
and you have not acknowledged it
you have ignored me
i deserve it
for what i did
but not to this extent..
should i let u go after u go ahead with this marriage..
should i give up on u and forget u

i wish i can do that
then i wouldnt be a mess..

I LOVE U FAHAD..
walah

my heart is killing me
literally, i can feel it break..
i thought ppl exagerate when they talk about heartaches and stuff
but its true
its all true

i know that when u go to bed
u think of me
looking at ur fone
thinking if u shud call or not
then u decide not to..
i know u so well..

if i see u
u mite break..
i want u to break and call me
and give in to me
ur strong without me
but when u see me
u crumble...i see it..
and u see it.

i just need to see u..i really do..

WEDDING COUNTDOWN!!

the wedding is in 4 days..
how can u say u love me when u picked her
how can u fall apart when u see me
but pick her
how can u long for me
but pick her..

it doesnt make sense..
ur initails are engraved in my class ring..
i cant wear that ring anymore..

your not mine..i hope that something happens in the next four days and u wake up
and come bk to me and to ur senses..

isnt that funny that i still have hope..
im pathetic
or is it because im that in love with you that i cant see the truth

You picked someone else
even though it was arranged
you shouldnt have gone thru with it

your so stubborn Fahad..
so stubborn
you would rather live your life with someone you dont love now..why would you do that..
stop being arrogant..
i know you too well..
get over it fahad..
admit it to urself
you love me
i know you do

u have these walls around ur heart
not wanting to get hurt
not wanting to let anyone in

u think what ur doing will make u happy
i will make u happy

god fahad..dont do this..

i look at our pictures..again..and again..
i love that pic of u with my A/X hat..baby blue looks so good on u..
i feel like ur looking at me when i look at that pic..
isnt that weird..
im losing it..
hmm...

fahad..i spray your scent in the pillow next to me..
i feel as if ur next to me..
remember the last time u were next to me ..
telling me how much u loved me
i close my eyes and go back to that day
u next to me in bed
whispering in my ear
how much u love me..
and how much u missed me..
and u actually cried from missing me so much..

i miss u
i miss the nice u
i miss the loving u
i miss the old u

please break down the walls
please come back to me

i made a mistake
im human..
why dont u forgive me and come back

your cousin called the other day..
i couldnt help it but ask about u
he told me how u think its weird that ur going out with ur so called "Wife" and its not me..
and how u have ur doubts..

im doubting the way u felt about me
dont ppl who love forgive?
isnt that whats loving someone all about..

was i really the one??