missing You...

it was late 2004..
Aliyah called him up..she had to hear his voice..
They talked everyday..
She wasnt about to let him go
Even if he was...

She called..waiting..one ring..two ring..
fahad: aloo
Aliyah: hi baby
Fahad: aliyah pls dont make this harder..why r u still calling me
Aliyah: fahad..ur my family eshlon i just stop talking to u..
Fahad: ok talk to me bs pls dont make this harder then it already is...

Aliyah couldnt take this anymore..
She started crying..
bawling like a baby..
She couldnt breath..
She had a headache frm cying so much..
She told him: i gotta go..talk to u some other time..i cant...Fahad cut her off..
her tears alwys get the best of him
" 7beebty..tekfain...dont cry..pls baby dont cry..3wartay galby..
Aliyah's heart meleted
He still loved her..
Hearing those sweet words were all she needed to get thru this dreadful night without being his girlfriend anymore
To her, the world had no meaing..
She truly believed thAt
He's the one
He was alwys the one for her
Till today..she refers to him as the one that got away...*Sigh*
He knew her inside out
He knew everything about her..everything..her family..her friends..her likes..dislikes..her mood swings..what to say..
Fahad alwys knew what to say and when to say it..
He had the magic touch with her..
She closed her eyes..and tried to visualize him..
The last time they met..
The last time they kissed
She didnt think it was going to be their last kiss
She wished she knew back then...
She wanted to remember every little detail..but her memory failed her..

She sighed heavily...as if her heart was too heavy for her to carry..
Fahad: esmila 3laich min elaaahhh..pls aliyah latsween feeh ro7ich chethe...3warty galby..plsss
Aliyah: im so sorry..i dont know what got into me..wala mat3arf eshkether welhat 3ala 9outik..
mat3arf.walah..elee 9ar mo ebyady..
Fahad couldnt take this anymore..He felt at ease with her..will he ever feel this with another girl..when he talks to her he loses the ability to think straight..she still had that effect on him..should he just cut her out completly..he couldnt do that...she was afterall..a big part of his life and still is..but not romantically anymore..he was set with his descion..there was no going back...
Aliyah continued: Fahad..just talk..i just want to hear your voice..
Fahad felt as if he was melting little by little as she said the cutest thing to him..
Fahad: eshtbene agol y3ni.mmm....3ndee group meeting in a bit..o i have this essay to hand in about bahrain goverement for my politics class..
As Fahad began talking about his day to day isssues..Aliyah just listened..to his voice..not to what he was saying..she was mezmirized by it..
He was the voice she had to hear before going to bed..it was a rule they had..she told him earlier in their realtionship that she cant sleep without hearing his voice and its true..
you cant imagine how hard it is to sleep without it now...trust me you cant imagine...

Fahad excused himself and Aliyah went to bed exhausted..not physically but mentally and emotionally..
she was drained out..she had cried her eyes out..and she still had a headache..
she reached for her dresser and got two panadol pills..and waited for its effect..

while she was waiting..she looked for his perfume..she sprayed the scent on her pillow..she loved doing that..as odd as that was..she felt closer to him.she felt like he was there with her still..

This was bad..
She had never been this depressed in her life..
She was seriously losing it..
she was isolated and felt so alone in this world...

Aliyah kissed his picture goodnight..her favorite one..of him in starbux wearing her armani exchange baby blue hat...
She switched off the light..

she was Praying for things to be better in the morning..
" dear god..please let him come back to me.."

it was so sad..
Aliyah went to bed with tears in her eyes..

She wanted him back
She had to have him back..



**post dedicated to my Fahad..miss u still after all these years..

bittersweet memory 1

....
.....
it was such a long time ago..
Aliyah was nervous..she was standing with all her fellow classmates..class of ...it was her senior year,,it was the best year by far..
She was so nervous..that the butterflies in her stomach were doing cartwheels! she was so happy that this day had finally come
she looked around..she looked for none other then her better half..Fahad..
Fahad was her high school sweet-heart..she looked at him..and smiled..she felt the butterflies calmed down once she saw him
He made her heart stop as corny as that sounds
Fahad was the nicest guy,all her friends loved him..he was her childhood friend,partner in crime,the person she goes to when she's down..
He knew her inside out...
and the same goes for him..

He smiled at her..and blew her a kiss..
Aliyah blushed..
All her classmates knew about them..even the teachers thought it was cute,since they've been a couple since the tenth grade and they were close friends before that..
Even their families knew about their realtionship..it was too obvious to hide and Fahad wanted to marry Aliyah,,that was evident to everyone..in the future that is..
She was his girl...and everyone knew that.

Fahad walked slowly to the mic..it was his turn to say the graduation poem..Fahad had a flare for writing,,he was ashamed of it..but Aliyah bugged him to sumbit his poem just incase it was picked for the graduation and it was..
Fahad smiled only for Aliyah..
Aliyah felt as if it was just the two of them..
He looked up and began reciting the poem( in Arabic ofcourse)
He was confident..and the audience loved it

Loud applause was followed..as Fahad sighed with a breath of relief as that ordeal was over.
He walked away slighlky grabbing Aliyah's hand and held it tightly for a second..

Aliyah had goosebumps all over...blushing as usual..
Fahad had that effect on her..

Fahad went back to his seat..

The graduation dragged on for quite some time...
then it was time..
this was the moment that they were waiting for

The head principle said in a loud voice.." CLASS OF 200X , you may change the tassle to the left...Congrualtions..what was said next was ignored by the whole class...
All what was heard after were shouts..and the caps were flying all over..laughter filled the place
Everyone was excited...They were offical high school graduates..

As they walked in two's going into the small room ..everyone was looking for their friends, relatives were coming in...flowers were everywhere and gifts as well...
Happy parents were taking pictures...big happy families excited for thier daugher/son's graduation..

Fahad was looking for her..
They had promised that they will congrrulate each other first..
He saw her..
She was in the corridor waiting for him..
It was more private..
She hugged him tightly..
He hugged her so tight that he was able to carry her..
what he felt that moment was undescribable.
He gently kissed her on the lips..

Aliyah blushed: first time i kiss a high school graduate (in a teasing way)
Fahad laughed..aya 3laich Aliyah..i love u
Aliyah : i love u more walah
btw..mabrook 3ala elta5rej
Fahad smiled widely: ebareek feech o e5alech lei
and he gently kissed her on her forehead..
He got something from his pocket,,
A box
a bluish greenish box with white bow
Aliyah knew that brand so well

It was her favorite,,Tiffany's ofcourse..
She opened it and saw it
A heart shaped earring with tiffany engraved in it

Aliyah loved the gift..her eyes were begining to get filled with tears..
Fahad: babe lat9e7een..not the reaction i was going for...aya 3alich testahlain akthar
Aliyah: its perfect walah..ent perfect...mdri eshlon i can handle you going to a different country..

Aliyah brought up the sensitive subject..
They were fighting about it for weeks..they didnt want to part...
they didnt know what to do..

Fahad smiled..7beebty..lets enjoy our gradtion and our after-grad ( FYI: its a party that happens after graduation for the senior class in a hotel)
then we will talk about this...i dont want to talk about this now,.tekfaiin latz3lenee
Aliyah felt guilty..sorry baby..yalaa lets go to our friends n take pictures..
Fahad: dont forget i want a picture with u alone...
walah did i tell u how pretty u look today..

Aliyah smiled with such love that Fahad felt it..truly felt the love..he took her hand and walked in the room together...

......................................

The day had come for Fahad to leave..he was leaving two weeks before her..
He was going to Australia
She was going to Lebnon..

they had wrote plane letters to each other..it was Aliyah who made Fahad do that even though he felt a bit childish doing it,..but he would do anything for his Aliyah...
They exchanged letters..
and looked at each other..
They were at the airport..
Fahad had saved the best for last..
This was the hardest of all goodbye's

She was crying non-stop..
She couldnt stop
What was she going to do without him
Will their love be stronger..or will they drift apart

aliyah heard of so many couples breaking up becuz of long distance
were they different

She looked up at him: fahad pls latrooo7..
Fahad trying not to cry: baby ill see u in 3 months bs..i promise..walah ana ma wdy i leave u
Fahad continued: aliyah keep this in mind..i love u..walah eny a7bech..i will never let u go..i promise u walah..i wil call u everyday from there..bs entay wait and see pls..yala 3ad laymonaa th7kay eshwaiii

Aliyah laughed at her nickname..Fahad was trying to be original in his nicknames and he came up with laymonaaaa
Aliyah believed him...
She was sure of him
so sure...
Aliyah: i love u more waalh...pls msg me as soon as u reach every airport..if u dont i will just worry..
Fahad knew Aliyah wasnt going to sleep..she had a habit of sleeping when he reached the destination..
He loved how caring she was...
He had never met anyone like that
His friends were all envious of their special realtionship..it was pure..it was real..

Aliyah hugged him not wanting to let go..
read my letter...
its only 8 pages back and forth

Fahad laughed: i love u baby..as he kissed her on both cheeks..then he kissed her on her forehead..
She kissed him back

Their public display of affection was causing quite a scene..:P
Awww first love is the sweetest:)

she let go of him finally..

he walked away
turning back at her for the very last time..

He would alwys remember that..the way she looked..how upset she was..
He hated it..
He wanted to go to the same university as Aliyah but his dad wouldnt allow it..
He wished he could go back and hug aliyah and not go to Australia...

Fahad looked at his plane letter..
He smelled it
He knew Aliyah would spray perfume on it..
He smiled...He felt like she was there with him...

He loved every little thing about her..


LOve
Love
Love
Love

Major Drama in Beirut International Airport...

**dedicated to Cupid..thanks for motivating me to write..this is for u.

pls guys i hope to see your comments..i really do need your comments to keep going...please tell me if ur reading this
xxx


Aliyah reached BEIRUT safe and sound el7imdila.
She was wearing as usual one of her juicys since they were the only way to travel..
sHe had zero makeup on and was wearing only her fav aviator ray-bans to hide her face..
While she was on the plan she was reminiscing about her old times with Fahad..
She was in an inner conflict..
She didnt know what she wants
As for Mohd she didnt reply to his msg..she wasnt going to forgive so easily for letting her go...

as soon as she reached for her luggage..she went to look for a familiar face in the crowd..
To her utter surprise
He was there
He was actually waiting for her..

Where were the girls...they had told her that they will be picking her up
But instead he was there
How was that possible..

Aliyah lifted her glasses to take a better look
was she day dreaming
He was smiling so bright and with such love that the ppl around them were looking ..She walked slowly to him..
Step by step..
He was only looking at her
she was only looking at him

She felt her heart flutter with joy,happiness and so much love..real love..not that infatuation she felt she was in..

She couldnt wait any longer..
and ran to him from excitement..
She wasnt going to play hard to get
She had him
she always did

he picked her up..and carried her..she twirled as if they were filming a romantic movie..
She hugged him so tightly
And he hugged her back with all his strength..

Aliyah: Fahad..
Fahad: e3yoon fahad
Aliyah with tears rolling down her cheeks..: u came all the way from Australia for me
Fahad: cheftay eshlon ele e7bch ma ehdech
Aliyah felt a pang of guilt about Mohd..she completly disregarded that idea until...

She saw from the corner of her eyes while buried in Fahad's toned shoulders..there
was Mohd..waiting..
he looked hurt,,betrayed..
their eyes met
and Aliyah looked away...

What are the odds of having them both in the airport..She didnt acknowledge Mohd since he had hurt her and let her go
He was the one who didnt want her
so what was he doing there..
She didnt care
She was with the right person..
Fahad came all the way from Australia to prove his life..
Mohd let her go just because of his friends..he didnt see her as a future..Fahad did...Fahad truly cared about her..

She saw Mohd walk away and take one last look at the reunited lover..

Mohd was devastated...
who was this guy? was this her ex? was it possible he came all the way from Australia or was it just a school friend...if it was just a friend she would have acknowledged atleast his presence..he wanted to surprise her
Why did he ruin the best thing that happened to him since moving to Beirut to study..why did he listen to his friends
He had lost Aliyah once and for all..she didnt want him
she didnt love him..he was sure that she realized that he was just not worth it anymore..
i should have done more
i should have not let her go that easily..

Mohd was trying to hold back his tears..
what the hell was wrong with him..he had never acted this mushy towards a girl
she was different and he had lost her..
and he was mad at her
how could she move on so quickly..or was it just a friend..
he was confused beyond reason..
he needed help..

Mohd reached for his cell and dialled his older sister's number,Maha
He began telling her all the details of what had happened..
His sister listed carefully to each word Mohd was saying and could tell he was clearly very upset..
Maha: Mohd pls latz3al 3lai bs let me tell u something..ent u broke up with her for no good reason..akeed ehya ma rdat 3la ur call n msg because how can she guarantee herself you wont do it again..you cant tell a girll u love her and u tell her about some sort of future and u drop her..
I know im being tough on u bs im telling u this fom a girl's point of view
Mohd listed intently to what his sister was saying..he knew she was right after all
Maha continued: How can you say you love her o etswey feha what u did
Mohd defending himself: y3ni elwa7ed maha ma ya'3l6..
Maha felt bad and wanted to take back what she said: sorry 7amood mo qasdy anarfzik..bs ur right..choof hay ele chefta bil m6ar most likely her ex from Australia..shkla lal7een he wants her..u told me ena they were serious..very serious 9a7
Mohd: yes they were ( with such saddness that Maha tried very hard not to cry..she hated seeing her baby brother upset)
Maha: 7beeby..choof maybe he came to visit her..mo akeed they got back together..trah u should try since the other guy is trying,...win her back.let her fall in love with u again..if u really think she's the one for u...its up to u..trah u can change this ..
Mohd listened carefully...

Maha was absouletly right..he was going to fight back
He wanted his Aliyah back
he wasnt going to let that scum bag of an ex get his Aliyah..

He thanked Maha for her advice and headed to his apartment as he blasted the volume and was lost in thought as Nawal and Fathel's A7wil was playing..He was thinking about Aliyah and what will he do next...

...................................


This song is dedicated to anyone who is missing someone they love:
i miss u mr.x ( wont tell u who this is until later)

ابحكيلك عن احوالي وابيك تشوف لي صرفه
خيالك دايم في بالي .. واحس بشيء ما اعرفه
يوديني الفكر ويجيب .. وشوقي لك معنيني
لأنك لما عني تغيب .. تضيق الدنيا في عيني
وش احكي لك .. وش افسر .. عن احوالي وعن علومي ؟
كثر شوقي لك تصور .. اشوفك حتى في نومي
تعب حالي وقلبي ضاق .. يشيلك سر في صدري
وأنا من زحمة الأشواق .. اخاف اموت وماتدري
ومن حبك وتأثيرك .. فؤادي ينبض بطاريك
صعب يهوى أحد غيرك .. وهو ميت اساسا فيك
وش احكي لك وش افسر عن احوالي وعن علومي ؟
كثر شوقي لك تصور اشوفك حتى في نومي
...

to my readers

To my readers,

i have noticed that only a few of you post your thoughts to what i write..i feel as if the rest dont like what im writing..feel free to tell me if its getting a bit slow or dull..i feel like not so many ppl are really reading it anyway..
can you guys please motivate me to write?
i need your help..

love u

:***

can things possibly get even more complicated.???

Aliyah woke up and looked around..this wasn't her dorm room..it was her room in Bahrain..she was filled with happiness..she was home..it felt so good..she woke up with a smile..
Her fone was next to her..she saw a bunch of missed calls from Reem,Rana,and Noora..obviously they were worried about her since she took off by surprise to Bahrain
Also, the most important call..was that of Mohd's
Aliyah gasped when she saw his number..
was she imagining..
She looked at her fone again..it was Mohd's number..she felt her heart flutter..she had butterflies..
Mohd was worried about her obviously since he didnt see her in their usual morning meeting place..
She didnt know what to do...she will make him wait..she wasnt going to budge..

She got up..went to the bathroom for a long relaxing shower..she came out of the bathroom ..and sat infront of her dresser..She looked at the different kinds of creams.lotions,makeup she had,,she loved smelling and looking her best..
She put on her different scents..( mostly vanilla mixed with Arabian oud)..then put her fav victoria secret body cream..amber romance..she loved that smell...
She wore comfy slacks and a t-shirt..

Aliyah called the girls one by one and explained why she was M.IA(missing in action)..
SHe told them about her breakup and how he had called her..
All of them told her to not call back...
Aliyah was confused...should she just ignore his call..or call back and act normal..


A knock on her door "woke" her up and it was her Mother wanting her to come sit with the family for their usual lunch..


............................

On the other side, Mohd was worried..Aliyah still hadnt called him back..was she ok? was she ignoring him...he hated this..
He hated wondering..
He couldnt concentrate in class..ALiyah was all he was thinking about..
He had second doubts abt his desicion to break it off with her...
She was a great girl and she had never done anything wrong...any guy would be lucky to have her..she was pretty..sweet..and so charming..and they clicked..

He sent her a msg" aliyah i miss u"
He felt better after he sent that msg..
Atleast now she will now that he is missing her...

......................

Aliyah went to her room..and looked for her fone..there was a msg notification..she looked at it..and was shocked..
What was wrong with Mohd,,with these mixed signals...one day hes missing her,the next hes ending it with her because of her nationality..
She wasnt going to budge..he had hurt her..
she wasnt a game in his hand,,
She did what any girl would in her place...

she ignored the msg,,,and carried on with her day ...

..Before going to bed..she got a weird number..
Aliyah: im sorry but who is this
unknown: this is Fahad eshd3waa aliyaaa gilna nesatneee 3ad mo chethee
Aliyah: sorry fahad bs m3rf this number..how r u
Fahad beginning to warm up: im ok,..entay eshlonah..min zeman 3anich..gilt i will call n say hi bs
Fahad assumed that she was going to end this conversation as fast as possible as usual but to his surprise...
Aliyah: walah feek el5air fahad..hows australiaa and ur studies..update me..
Fahad began talking about his day and about the usual stuff..he kept telling her funny stories about his roomates..
Aliyah laughed and felt at ease..
it was so easy talking to him..he knows her so well..he felt like family to her..she longed for that comfort
They talked for nearly two hours..before Aliyah excused herself since she felt tired..

...................

Fahad was beyond estatic..he had to tell someone..he went to his roomate and cousin's room Hamad...
Hamad: esfheek chethee shag el7alj..
Fahad: gool min kent a7acheee fil telfoon
Hamad: laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..sijjjj
Fahad: eeeee..sij sij sij meshtag lehaaa...
Hamad was really happy..he loved seeing his baby cousin happy for once.he was so down lately that everyone around them was worried about his well-being especially after the drinking incident..Hamad liked Aliyah..he thought that their love story was special..he was alwys a bit jealous about how lucky Fahad to have someone as loving as Aliyah..
Fahad rambled on and on about his fone call with Aliyah until Hamad had to kick him out of his room since he wanted to study for his test..

Fahad went to his room..smiling ear to ear..he went to is dresser and just stared at their picture..
..it was of their graduation day..Aliyah and him.she looked so beautiful...god she's so beautiful.i miss her..i love her..i want her with me..i will do anything in this world to have her back,,she is everything..everything to me..
...............

Aliyah slept on and off..
thinking about Fahad..and about Mohd..
how is it possible that she was thinking about two guys at the same time...
Fahad was her past
Mohd was her present
but who was going to be her future...

Mohd let go of her so easily..something Fahd would never do..

why god are things so complicated..please let this pass..i just want to be happy..
just to be happy...

"khyalek daym ef bali"

he was all she was thinking about..
she was all he was thinking about..

Mohd sat quietly in his apartment going over what had just happened..did he make the right decision by ending things with Aliyah..he loves her..but the guys were right..she wasn't Kuwaiti and it was an issue to them..they kept telling him how hard it would be to fall in love with a person not from the same country,,Mohd trusted his new-found friends.he believed that they were older and wiser..they understood relationships,,
This was his first serious relationship with a girl..he was young and reckless as they said...
This was the best decision in the long run they said...he kept repeating those words over and over trying to convince himself..
Mohd went to bed that night..upset and alone..he missed her warm voice..this was "their"time..he would call her before going to bed and they would talk for hours and hours..
Before falling asleep, her image lingered in his mind...

On the other hand, Aliyah wasnt able to sleep..she kept waking up..she felt her head was about to explode..she had cried till there were no tears left..she had a headache from crying so much..
She was upset at how fast Mohd had let her go..was this his so called love for her..
She wanted to go home..
She picked up the phone and called the airport to ask for the earliest flights to Bahrain..
...The earliest flight was at 8am...since she wasnt sleeping she decided to book this flight and go home..she wanted nothing to remind her of Mohd..
She got up and started packing..just one carry on...she would miss some classes..but this was worth it..she would go for a 5day break( including the weekend)..
She wore her favorite juicy's and sat back on her bed..
will he realize that she's not in university tomorrow.will he worry..will he call her..her head was filled with questions that she had no answers for..
She sent texts to her best friends telling them she was going to Bahrain last minute since she knew they will be worrying about her...

hours later....

Aliyah was home...it was a short 3 hr flight Beirut to Bahrain...
She was back in her room,,her bed....she felt a hundred times better already..
She let out a loud sigh filled with emotions..
She needed to sleep..
Few minutes passed and Aliyah was sound asleep..exhausted..mentally,physically, and most important.. emotionally...

....................

Mohd went to class..this was going to be awkward since this was his usual meeting spot with ALiyah...
Aliyah's classmates walked out...
Mohd waited for her..
He wanted to talk to her...to apologize only..
He waited..
He went to the classroom and she wasn't there..
That was odd..where was ALiyah..she wasn't in class..

Was she ok?
Was she that upset?
Did she just blow off class so she doesn't see him? Nooo..he knew her too well Aliyah wasnt childish...
What can it be..
Mohd kept thinking and getting more worried more the minute...
If she was upset because of him..he wouldn't be able to handle it..
It was good that he didn't see her..
He would have fallen apart..
And would have begged for her forgiveness..
He didnt care..
he will call her...just to check that is..
He called her...it rang and rang..with no answer..the weird thing was it was long distance..he could tell from the ring..
Where was she..
Was she ok..

He had to stop thinking about her..
This wasn't helping..

2 good 2 be true..

she kept repeating the words he had told her previosuly..
he would tell her: we will be together for eight semesters..
Aliya wondered what he meant..
Mohd laughed and saidd: all through jam3a since each year has two semesters..and enshala ya rab after as well..
This was Mohd's first refrence to thier future..
Aliyah was on air..Mohd said the cutest things..they werent cheesy..what he said is from his heart..and goes directly to hers..
Aliyah was in love..real love..

Tears rolled down her face..
How could she believe him..Mohd was different..he had changed..he had no longer wanted to be with her.
He called her up one day ..completley out of the blue: Aliyah this is really hard for me.bs i dont think we can be together..i can only be with girl i can marry..and ur not Kuwaiti..so im sorry..there is no future between us...i hope you understand..and i hope we can be friends...

Aliyah was so stunned that she mumbled: yeah..mm..ok...

Mohd was taken back by how cold Aliyah was..
Aliyah wasnt cold with him..she was so hurt and taken back that these were the only words she was able to say at that time..
She replayed that phonecall over and over..wishing she could have said something..but maybe it was for the better after all..he didnt want her..and she didnt want to beg..

Aliyah noticed that for the past month or so Mohd was acting different and aloof..she assumed he was stressed out with work..What was different in him was that he made new friends..all guys from Kuwait..Had they talked him out of dating her...was that possible..
This was he only new change in him..and it wasnt as if there was another girl in the picture..Mohd distanced himself from the girls in unversity with the exception of her and her friends...
Her innocent..caring..loving Mohd had changed.
He had left her..


Aliyah couldnt stop crying..she hugged her pink quilt..thinking to herself..should she go home for the weekend..she needed a break..and Bahrain cheers her up..
She didnt know what to do..
How could she be so blind..
How can she not see this coming..

She had trusted him
and he had let her down..

She was furious at him..
She opened her drawer and found his letters...Whenver Mohd was bored in class..he would write her a small love letter..she tore them all apart..ALL lies...lies..

She shouldnt have dated him
She was wrong in picking him.
she was soooo wrong..and she will pay the price for this..

She got a text..
it was Mohd..
sending a title of a song..
"abdulla rwasheed..e3feeny"

was this his way of degrading her more...

her life had officially ended..

She would never be the same again..

Its so weird how ppl that you dont know for such a long time have an impact so great..

She didnt know that he will continue playing with her heart for years to come..

to be continued...


enjoy xoxoxo

p.s guys..what would you want me to talk about next..:P continue with what happens..or...