Once in a Lifetime

i dont think i have ever been this happy..
i havent been writing in my post..i thought id jinx it..
but nw i feel im ready to do so..

fahad and i talked and talked
for days it seemed..
we get each other's jokes
we get each other's mood swings..
i know what he likes..
he knows what i dont like..
its going really well..
the first couple of days were a bit awkward..

let me tell u about seeing him after all these years..
i got a msg on my blackberry..saying.." wana do coffee:P"
i literally freaked out..
i havent seen fahad for a very very very long time..
i had butterflies in my stomache
i called my best friend..and she told me not to panic.
fahad loves me
and i should make the most of my time with him.instead of freaking out..
i get ready..
wear light makeup...he's not a fan of makeup..

i get out of my car..i see him outside the coffeshop..wearing my AIX cap..that blue cap
waiting for me
his whole face lights up
(btw im actually getting tears writing this..sorry very emotional time for me)
all my fears go OUT THE window..
i become me again
i feel like the old me again
i smile back..
and send him a fly kiss..
I hear his laugh..
oh..that laugh...ive mised hearing that..

i get close to him..
he comes closer..
he stretches out his hand.
i push it away and gently pull him closer for a hug..
(i know i know..a little bit forward but i really cant help it)
we hug..and i can smell the amazing smell of his perfume..Creed..i love that smell...
he hugs me..not wanting to let go..
i couldnt help but cry..
to my suprise..
Fahad starts to get tears in his eyes..he's so not the crying type..
i wipe away his tear..
he kisses my forehead..
and inhales my scent..
"Yara..ive missed u so much"

That was by far the sweetest reunion ever..
im in love
in love again..

he was the one that got away but came back..
we have had our problems..
we have tried to move on with other ppl with no luck..
i truly do belive that there are people that come once in a lifetime.
and to me thats my Fahad..
he is my once in a lifetime..

he is the love of my life..
he is the guy that has adored me for years and years..
with him its just easy
i think if realtionships are complicated then,its not meant to be..
with Fahad..it was easy..
loving him was easy
thats why i was a wreck when he left me..

" i love u fahad.we have grown up together..we have loved each other..we have grown apart by we have come back which is the most important thing from all of this..thank u for coming back to me..you are my true and only soulmate..with you i am complete..you are my other half..my better half..i light up around u..
a7bek..walah ana amoot feek
and im lucky to know u and have u

baby..my baby..
you have made me the happiest person


to all my friends who are reading this..i love u
thank u for ur comments that have inspired me always..
thank u for worrying about me
:)
im finally healed..

OUT OF THE BLUE!!!

two days earlier: (Still the present)

Aliyah came back from the gym exhausted..
she was upset about her new breakup..
she was really looking forward to this guy
and things were going well.
she was fed up.she needed to MOVE ON with her life..she had to move on..it was time for her..
and it was getting too late she feared..

she kept thinking about that loser of a guy..and going over possibilites to why he would end it with her so quickly..
was it because he was younger
or was it because he had a lot going on with his family problems..can it be that..or was it just her
had he hated the way she looked..
funny thing was they looked alike..
and Aliyah did something she never did before..she only told her best friend..that was it
no one knew about her new guy..
he was her secret..
aliyah was a blabber..trusting ppl with her issues and problems and this got her NOWHERE..
thats why she had decided to play it safe with the new guy..
she was caring but not too caring
she was sweet but not too romantic..
and she wasnt clingy after all..a trait she belived she had accquired after losing Fahad..

she took a long hot shower..just thinking and recapping abt this..
she went to her room..put on her fav creams and sprays..(this was a ritual she had..pampering herself was one of her fav things to do..) she put on her fav cream of the moment..bath and body works vanilla..which smelled heaVENLY....

she sat on her bed..got her laptop and opened the latest episodes of grey's anatomy which she had downloaded..
she was deeply watching it with full concentration..
then her fone rang..
it was a weird number
Aliyah's heart fluttered
is it him
was he calling her to apologize....it had to be..

Aliyah picked it up and to her suprise..
she heard a familiar voice
a voice she would never forget
or ever will for that matter..

Fahad: halla Aliyah
Aliyah in shock: halla Fahad sh5barik
Fahad: mshalla 3laich 3refteny 3gb kil hal sneen
Aliyah without thinking said the first thing in her mind: eshlon ansa 9outik.mgdar
then she went quiet..it had just registerd to her what she had said!!! she wanted to play it cool but ofcourse when its a significant ex all words go out the window!!
Fahad: im sure ur suprised why i called..i just wanted to tell u....this is really hard and u might think im weird for being so honest but

..
..
..
..
..
..
.

i broke off my engagment.. i couldnt go through it anymore..
i still love u Aliyah..

Aliyah was in shock and disbelief..the phone literally dropped from her hands and she had to pick it up
the day she had been waiting for her had come...
she was waiting for Fahad
it was always Fahad
deep down she was wishing he would come back
she had only decided to move on after she had lost ALL hope since there was no communication btw them for FOUR years..

Fahad continued: its been four years..ive missed u everyday of these years.
i keep picking up the fone and shutting it
i couldnt make this call
i wanted to forgive u
bs i was so stubborn
i thought i would find someone else to make me forget
but actually it made me love u and appreciate u more
u were young
and we all make mistakes
ive made my fair share of my mistakes and u would alwys forgive me..
who am i to judge..
i just want to tell u
give me a chance..
i want u
u r the one for me
i want to marry u
not someone else..
it was alwys u Aliyah
im so sorry for pushing u away..

i dont know what to expect..i know this is out of the blue for u
but when i got engaged
and realized how serious it was
i couldnt go thru it
i couldnt hurt the girl anymore
i didnt love her
and i couldnt
no girl measures up to u in my eyes..

so Aliyah
what im trying to say is

"wil u give me another chance?"




to be continued....

to my readers

hello:*

i hope uve missed me as ive missed u guys.
thank you for ur kind msgs and thoughtful comments..
i guess i was going thru a semi- depression after my breakup..
i hope u understand..
i will not stop the blog..
and a new post will be there tonight..

thanks once again..
i really do love u all
and cant give u up! sorry for my crazy outburst:P

xxxooo

no comment..the end.

to my readers..

ive posted a problem..a real problem im facing and i get a mere three comments..
im really down
and i thought i can count on ur help
but i guess i asked for too much
im falling apart..
and i wanted ur support and advice
i wanted to hear inputs..
i wanted to know what u think
i thank those that commented..it means a lot that they are there for me when i need them

anyways i have decided not to post anymore
and will delete my blog..
i just need the strength to do it.


anyways..
to my readers all i can say is no comment..

i guess i can try to figure it out by myself..


bye my readers..hope u enjoyed my story..
it has reached the end of its course..

Right Now!

Yesterday:

i waited..
i was nervously looking at my phone,checking the time..
i was at a friend's birthday dinner and all i can think about was Him...

it was 9pm and still nothing
it was 10pm and nothing

just as i was about to leave i recieve two weird texts from my guy..
first txt is simply my name..
how weird
second txt is him telling me that he has low battery incase i call and his fone is switched off,,

whats going on here?
what had changed him..
why is he acting distant and aloof..
i knew all along in the back of my head..
it was all becuase of the day before..

let me give u a recap..
the previous day:

it was our first date!
fist date..
we agree to meet for coffee..we've been talking for quite some time and he really wanted to meet up
He was so sweet and caring and thoughtful
and i really feel for him
i usually have my guards up and a barrier to my heart
but with him it was all different

i opened up to him and truly let him in
i welcomed him with open arms
and was finally letting go of my prior demons
he opened up to me and confided in me..which i absolutely loved..

during our coffee date, im shy
and he's not
i keep playing with any object on the table to help me ease my tension
and he picks up on that
and jokes about it
he finds it enduring..

we talk and talk
it was your amazing first date..
where u cant look in his eyes for too long since ur shy
i was blushing
he was too

he was saying all the right things..

i stay for an hour only since it is afterall only date one..

he walks me to my car and opens the door..

i was estatic
literally flying on air..
so i wait a bit and send him a txt msg ..i know i know bad move
i just couldnt wait till he sends one..
i KNEW it was mutaul..
and we had just stumbled on SOMETHING GREAT...us

there was chemistry..and just overall...a good feeling about the whole thing...
we were set-up by our friends..
they thought we would make a cute couple..and also..we kinda look alike which is cute
both of us are fair..

he sends msgs back and forth..
and i was happy all throughout my day...

that night i wait for a call and i get nothing..
just a msg saying he had a fight with his dad and he's in a bad mood..

the next day (which is yesterday)..

i wait..for a txt..
for a call
for anything
i mean i just saw the guy..he's supposed to be calling and texting more
not the other way round
i was begining to doubt..
then i got a txt
very cold
very aloof from him

my doubts get the best of me..and i think of what had i done
did i say something in our date?
did he not like the way i look? this was getting the best of me..my self-esteem was slowly going down and down..

so..all day i wait for his call..since he said in the txt he will call..
i get nothing..
absolutely Nothing!

i get upset more and more by the hour
is he just in a bad mood..
i just feel something is wrong..

then at around 1pm..
i get a msg from him
FINALLY..
i smile..im sure he was texting to tell me what he's up to and when he will call..

to my shock
he sends a very long msg..
talking about how hes not ready for commitmment and hes not in a place right now in his life to be in a realtionship..
and that im a "very sweet girl"
i cringe..
i re-read the msg over and over again in disbelief..
was that a prank forward..
it wasnt
this was really him
what had gone wrong after date no.1?
during the date we talked about date no.2 and he was telling me lets plan something early on the week..
the date was flawless.
so what changed him..

i started crying
and crying.
till i had no tears..
i was hurt
i had let myself go
and this is what i get..
i was really hurt..
i was looking at the whole thing as a BIG picture..
how can he dump me after our date
he was the one who dying over me
REALLY...
i was going over what was said..
did i say something??
did i do something?

i was being myself..and i totally let him in my life..
i had gotten so used to him..
i was falling for him..

was it really my looks?
ppl compliment me on my looks but maybe im just not his cup of tea
can that be the case?

was it something i said in the date?
i just cant put a finger on what had gone wrong

we are in diff places in our life..maybe that was his issue..
i dont know..maybe he wanted to play around and im not that girl for it..
from what our friends told me he wanted a realtionship so why not with me:(
is there something wrong with me?




i JUST DONT know..

im so sick and tired of being out there..
im fed up


my readers..i tell u everything about me..can you pls help me out ...im really upset..
im at home writing this.i didnt have the heart to go to work..
explain to me what went wrong..
im really really upset abt Him

the mistake that ended it all...

somewhere down the line..Early 2004..

Aliyah got a call at 2 a.m at night from Fahad..
She picked up so excited to hear his voice
But to her suprise

" ALIYAHH,,,Fahad was shouting at the top of his lungs..
DO YOU KNOW..SALMAN AL....

Aliyah got shocked..how did he find out about her summer fling that didnt last at all and that had fizzled just a few days earlier..
She and Fahad decided it was better to be friends..so her friends after a while introduced her to this guy who studied in the UK..
he was a complete bore who was still hung up on his ex-gf who cheated on him
Aliyah was just a helpful friend..
their relationship didnt sky rocket as expected..and she had ignored the dude just a few days ago..
she didnt know what to respond..she panicked..
ALiyah: fahad..i dont know who ur talking about..walah walah..she was started to cry..he was so angry..she had never seen this side of Fahad
Fahad: you dont know who im talking about..YOU DONT KNOW HA..I DONT WANT TO EVER TALK TO U AGAIN..U THINK BAHRAIN ISNT SMALL..I KNOW EVERYTHING..

and the line went dead..

Aliyah was in disbelief ..what had just happened..
She felt so guilty and hated herself..she should have given this new guy a chance..it was obvious he talked about her and news got to Fahad..
What had she done..she hated herself so much at that moment..

oN A side note: Aliyah lost intrest in this Salman guy since she realized that the grass isnt greener on the other side..it actually made her appreciate Fahad more..she had fallen in love all over again with Fahad..just a few days back she was going to tell Fahad that she wants a relationship again..she was in love with him more than ever..this is the sucky part since it was a mistake on her behalf that Fahad will never forget..even though she and Fahad were friends at the time..she had hurt him so much..and she hated herself so much..for such a long time afterwards...she would never forget that this mistake ended their special love..she had lost the love of her life..he was "the one that got away"
Aliyah would always reminisce about this time..its a little bit fuzzy now since she had blocked this bad memory
She hated herself and her world ended for her.really ended..
she would try to make herself feel better and think that she was young and immature and didnt know what she wanted..
she wasnt strong in relationships and she let her friends influence her descions..something she NEVER does now..but still..Fahad is gone..her Fahad..her Love..her everything..
she was a cheater..
she had cheated on Fahad..(true that they were friends..but Fahad never saw her in that light)
she had hurt him
till this day Aliyah has never forgiven herself for her immature mistake..


Aliyah sobbed till she felt her heart will come out of her heart..
she was dizzy..
she was light-headed...
she needed fresh air..
what had just happened here..
had she lost her relationship in a few minutes...all went down the drain in a mere second..
one day she had it all
and now she had nothing..absolutely nothing..

Aliyah called back Fahad over and over again..
he would just hit "end"..
he wasnt picking up her calls...
she sent him txts..apologizing..explaining..with no response..

This was the case for the coming few days..txts..emails..no response..
she emailed his roommate and cousin (even though she knew Fahad hated ppl interfering in their relationship) and he had promised to help her out since he was aware of what had happened..
Aliyah was beginning to get desperate.
she called again..
and to her surprise.." this line is not in service anymore"

Fahad had changed his number!!!!!
Fahad had changed his number!!!
Fahad had changed his number!!!


She had to take a drastic measure..
She was about to call his brother..
His brother wasnt fond of her at all..and was in Bahrain..
She called him up
and he was shocked to hear from her..
she said she was a friend from school and asked for Fahad's new number
Fahad's brother knew it was Aliyah and gave her the number..he was shocked and didnt know what else to do..
she had caught him truly off-guard..( he wasnt aware of what had happened btw his brother and Aliyah or else it wouldnt have been so easy)

Aliyah waited for a bit..trying to think of what she will tell Fahad..
she wrote down notes in her book..of what she wants to say
she was so nervous..
To her surprise..
she got a call..
a "no number"
she picked up and it was Fahad..
Fahad obviously mad: what the hell r u doing calling my older brother...
Aliyah started crying.." im so sorry i didnt know what else to do..u made me take things to a drastic level..why would you change ur number.."
Fahad felt a pang of guilt
he had read her msgs..had he jumped to conclusions..
had he not given her a chance to speak up
he paused..and let out a loud sigh..
"ok Aliyah tell me ur side of the story since you've been trying to get a hold of me.."


...and hence, a spark of hope was ignited in Aliyah's heart..



to be continued...


side note to my reader: pls do not hate me for what i have done to Fahad..this was so hard for me to write..as i have blocked this mistake from my memory,..
it took a lot of gut to write this down..
i hope you realize this and dont hate me for it..

a little bit of the present..

late 2008..

Aliyah was doing her usual Sat routine at night,..she was online chatting with her friends..
She was dreading the fact that she had work tomorrow
She wasn't motivated at all
She wasn't working in something she dreamed of..

She was in desperate need of a change.she was fed up.
She wasn't living the life she assumed she would
Bahrain was dull compared to the vibrant ,upbeat Beirut..

She was chatting away ..listening to music..in her room..
when all of a sudden..her childhood friend sends her a msg on msn..

"Hey Aliyah..i want to tell u something before u hear it from a stranger..
Aliyah got a bit worried..what the hell was he going to tell her now..she was a little bit nervous..

hER heart dropped..when she read the following msg

" Btw..Fahad got engaged about two weeks ago..to this girl..it was arranged.."

Aliyah felt as if someone had slapped her
She knew this day was going to come eventually
but she secretly hoped that A. he would come back to her and tell her that he cant live without her
2. she would get engaged before he does..and be happy once and for all..

sHe tried to act calm and cool..and sent the following msg
" oh i heard about it..thanks for being sweet and thoughtful to my feelings ( Aliyah hated lying but she was afraid that he would tell Fahad..and she wanted him to know she was ok with it..even though she wasnt!!!


Aliyah logged off msn..and shut the doors to her room
she wasnt in the mood for anyone..

She was deep in her thoughts..
Time had flew by and she was still stuck..

She had never felt the way about anyone the way she did about Fahad..
She was scared..
she felt pressured from her family and friends to move on...

People close to her were getting married left and right..and she was in a standstill in her life..
What had happened to her..
why is she unable to meet someone new and get on with her life..

She felt guilty...
She knew it was her fault..the whole breakup with Fahad..
she wished she could turn back time..and fix things..
She didnt appreciate him until it was too late..
Just thinking about it makes her want to cry
even thought she did the unthinkable..he had to forgive her..
she was young and stupid..she didnt know better..
if he loved her..
would he have forgiven her for what she did...
but he didnt..
does that mean that Fahad didnt love her..
or what she did was so big that he couldnt come bacl..

Fahad changed after Aliyah..
He wasnt the same again
He hated girls and didnt trust them..
He had shut off that feeling..
He both loved and hated Aliyah for what she did to him years and years ago..




Fahad was deep in thought..
Was Aliyah thinking about him now since he had gotten engaged..
does she still think about him from time to time..
It had been such a long time..
It had been a year since they last saw each other by accident..
Was he too harsh in the way he treated her..
Or he was better off without her..
Fahad tried so hard to sleep that night with no luck..
He was doubting his descions..his past..his present and his future made no sense to him now..




UFF..
Aliyah was frustrated..
she had to do some drastic change in her life..
Fahad was gone
and she had to accept that reality

He will never come back..
He will never call her..
it was so sad..and pathetic in a way that Aliyah still had feelings for Fahad..
She hated herself for feeling this way..




All hope had died that day...