Right Now!

Yesterday:

i waited..
i was nervously looking at my phone,checking the time..
i was at a friend's birthday dinner and all i can think about was Him...

it was 9pm and still nothing
it was 10pm and nothing

just as i was about to leave i recieve two weird texts from my guy..
first txt is simply my name..
how weird
second txt is him telling me that he has low battery incase i call and his fone is switched off,,

whats going on here?
what had changed him..
why is he acting distant and aloof..
i knew all along in the back of my head..
it was all becuase of the day before..

let me give u a recap..
the previous day:

it was our first date!
fist date..
we agree to meet for coffee..we've been talking for quite some time and he really wanted to meet up
He was so sweet and caring and thoughtful
and i really feel for him
i usually have my guards up and a barrier to my heart
but with him it was all different

i opened up to him and truly let him in
i welcomed him with open arms
and was finally letting go of my prior demons
he opened up to me and confided in me..which i absolutely loved..

during our coffee date, im shy
and he's not
i keep playing with any object on the table to help me ease my tension
and he picks up on that
and jokes about it
he finds it enduring..

we talk and talk
it was your amazing first date..
where u cant look in his eyes for too long since ur shy
i was blushing
he was too

he was saying all the right things..

i stay for an hour only since it is afterall only date one..

he walks me to my car and opens the door..

i was estatic
literally flying on air..
so i wait a bit and send him a txt msg ..i know i know bad move
i just couldnt wait till he sends one..
i KNEW it was mutaul..
and we had just stumbled on SOMETHING GREAT...us

there was chemistry..and just overall...a good feeling about the whole thing...
we were set-up by our friends..
they thought we would make a cute couple..and also..we kinda look alike which is cute
both of us are fair..

he sends msgs back and forth..
and i was happy all throughout my day...

that night i wait for a call and i get nothing..
just a msg saying he had a fight with his dad and he's in a bad mood..

the next day (which is yesterday)..

i wait..for a txt..
for a call
for anything
i mean i just saw the guy..he's supposed to be calling and texting more
not the other way round
i was begining to doubt..
then i got a txt
very cold
very aloof from him

my doubts get the best of me..and i think of what had i done
did i say something in our date?
did he not like the way i look? this was getting the best of me..my self-esteem was slowly going down and down..

so..all day i wait for his call..since he said in the txt he will call..
i get nothing..
absolutely Nothing!

i get upset more and more by the hour
is he just in a bad mood..
i just feel something is wrong..

then at around 1pm..
i get a msg from him
FINALLY..
i smile..im sure he was texting to tell me what he's up to and when he will call..

to my shock
he sends a very long msg..
talking about how hes not ready for commitmment and hes not in a place right now in his life to be in a realtionship..
and that im a "very sweet girl"
i cringe..
i re-read the msg over and over again in disbelief..
was that a prank forward..
it wasnt
this was really him
what had gone wrong after date no.1?
during the date we talked about date no.2 and he was telling me lets plan something early on the week..
the date was flawless.
so what changed him..

i started crying
and crying.
till i had no tears..
i was hurt
i had let myself go
and this is what i get..
i was really hurt..
i was looking at the whole thing as a BIG picture..
how can he dump me after our date
he was the one who dying over me
REALLY...
i was going over what was said..
did i say something??
did i do something?

i was being myself..and i totally let him in my life..
i had gotten so used to him..
i was falling for him..

was it really my looks?
ppl compliment me on my looks but maybe im just not his cup of tea
can that be the case?

was it something i said in the date?
i just cant put a finger on what had gone wrong

we are in diff places in our life..maybe that was his issue..
i dont know..maybe he wanted to play around and im not that girl for it..
from what our friends told me he wanted a realtionship so why not with me:(
is there something wrong with me?




i JUST DONT know..

im so sick and tired of being out there..
im fed up


my readers..i tell u everything about me..can you pls help me out ...im really upset..
im at home writing this.i didnt have the heart to go to work..
explain to me what went wrong..
im really really upset abt Him