over You??

everytime i want to remember you..
i close my eyes..
i havent seen you in so long..

i close my eyes..
remembering images..memories..pictures..
the first thing that i remember
is that picture of you..
wearing that dark blue hat..outside of starbux...
u were wearing a beige sweater..
and had a thicker beard then usual..
i remember your gaze in the picture
i feel like that picture spoke to me..
calling out for me..
i longed to be there with you
i long to be with you..

i daydream all the time..
most of my day im thinking of you..
my mind keeps drifting to you..

i get mad at myself..
im forgetting
i dont wat to forget..
i dont remember anymore..
it was so long ago..
it hurts so much that i dont remember..

i forgot so many things..
but what i will alwys have is the way that u made me feel..

i feel small and inadequate now..
no one has ever made me feel that special..

i close my eyes again..
thinking of you..
remembering you in your white thoub..white '3tra..
looking so handsome.
you hugged me so tight
that u cried..
i couldnt belive it u cried..

i long for that hug
i long for that day


its not healthy to think about u like this..
i cant help myself..
i try
i try


till today songs on the radio remind me of you.
i cant even listen to them..
it hurts so bad..

i wish that one day you pick up the fone and call me..
and tell me
that you miss me
and that you will alwys love me..

its pathetic that i still have hope..
i wait for news that you guys ended ur marriage.
i know thats mean..
but i think that we are meant to be..
and that we are destined to be together..

so naive..
i think deep down im still that naive girl..
yearing for love and attenetion..

in my sleep i usualy wake up with tears..
another day without you..
do you know that ever day i look at my fone
hoping for a msg a call anything from you

every day i wake up a little bit disappointed
every night i dream of you and hope that you come back..

i am lost without you
i am not complete..

if i hear someone talk like that id think there so corny
im not usually the romantic mushy type..
this is from my heart..

i dream of you
i wait for you
i long for you
i am still madly deeply in love with you..

to my saddness and despair..this is still the case..


dear god..please get me out of this..
i want to be ok
i want to move on..

i will go to bed..
still with hope in my heart..

kuwait part 4

sara and i sit inside at sliders..

infront of us are ahmed and mohammed..



really..fate...they had to be friends..GOD...

im nervous..im jinxed..im sure ahmed will ignore me like all guys do..



sara was trying to calm me down when i get a msg. sara told me that mohd was a long time ago and most likely ahmed wont care..
it was years ago!

ahmed" nawarti slider babe"

i let out a sigh..whats wrong with me.ahmed is a friend and a strong potential keeper but lets see how it goes..i shouldn't be scared..i did nothing wrong



i reply back: thnx;)

i see ahmed stare..he doesnt take his eyes off me..

i blush and look away

ahmed sends another msg " i cant take my eyes off you..your stunning"

i blush even harder..

its been so long since i heard sweet talk..
ive missed that feeling
ive missed feeling wanted and loved..

it felt good..real good.

sara and i chat and eat..
everytime i look up...i see ahmed staring..
even Mohd was staring at me..

its been years..
I havent seen him since Beuirt..
our college days..

he didnt change much.
he looked older..
his beard was thicker..
he gained a bit of weight which looked good...

his eyes so intense as before..
Hazel..
Beautiful hazel eyes with long dark lashes..
His eyes were mezmerizing..

i was drifting in my thoughts...
what had happened between us..
i loved him so much..
i was so hurt..
still hurt from what he did..

there was no fight ..no issue between us..
we were a perfect couple..
after our breakup..
id see him
all the time..
we were in the same uni..
it was so hard at first..
we stopped saying hi..
we ignored each other..
i could see his eyes.
alwys on me..
those hazel eyes..
following me wherever i go..

i could tell..
he loved me..
but there was something stopping him..
i tried to talk to him thru my eyes..
i looked at him.
hoping for a change of heart..
nothing...
i moved on..
i became different..
no longer was i that naive girl..
falling in love with Mohd was so easy...
i really did think he was my perfect match..
as if we were meant to be..
thats what i used to think..


the only reason was that i wasnt Kuwaiti..and his friends advised him not to date a FOREIGNER..(hello since when are bahraini considered foreigners)..

i was lost in thought..a msg woke me up frm my daydreaming..
i looked down at my blackberry expecting it to be Ahmed..

my smile vanished..

" you are, and always have been, my dream"

Mohd..the romantic...i dont this i have ever gotten a cuter msg in my life..
i got butterflies..
i read it again and again..i felt like i was back in time..
when we were together,.
that rush..those emotions..


i havent seen his number in years..
i was shocked...
and confused..

what does Mohd want with me now...

why is it when a possible maybe is about to happen an ex comes along and complicates things..WHY!!!

a few seconds later i get another msg..thinking its Mohd again..i see its from Ahmed " need to talk.call when ur free"

hmmm...
i get nervous...isnt that a phrase for a usual breakup..we need to talk..oh no;/ i really like Ahmed..

wats going on..
did Mohd say anything to him;/;/


to be continued.......

kuwait part 3;)

i reached sara's house..
tired from the flight.

its alwys the short flights that get to me..
i dont mind the longer ones..shorter ones gives me a constant headache!

sara: i want details about the GUY now..everything spill..
so i re-cap the whole story starting from bahrain airport..sara kept shouting at the exciting part..
lool..i know she was happy for me;p
i was deciding whether or not i should msg him...
i decided to take a nap and msg him later...sara agreed on this plan as well..

i took a nap..while sara was opening my suitcase looking for possible outfits for our dinner today..in kuwait everyone dresses up..
as if they stepped out of vouge..
so not like bahrain...in bahrain ppl r really simple..when compared to kuwaiti's fashion..which I LOVEEE..

After one hour n a half..i wake up..
feeling refreshed,,,
a nap was just wat i needed...
i wake up and reach for my bahraini no.
hes on my mind..i send a msg..saying: hi..
after hitting the sent button i realize that i didnt even put my name..how stupid!
immedietly my fone rings..its HIM....Ahmed the keeper;)

Me: aloo
Ahmed: 7mdila 3ala salamtich;p did u just reach home?
i laugh: no i took a nap thats why..
Ahmed: noum el3wafii sweetie...
me: how did u know it was me..
Ahmed: honestly i was waiting for u..im glad u msged..i actually thought u changed ur mind or something..
(supper cute..i didnt know guys worry like us;p i keep thinking they dont care..)
me: la eshd3waaaa Ahmed.
Ahmed: so tell me shno ur plans for the night
me: athen bnroo7 slider station bs...i love their food..
Ahmed: ok slider it is..
me: what does that mean hehehe
Ahmed: i wana see u..so i guess im going to be there as well..
me( blushing): mm..ok..i guess..
Ahmed: see you soon and talk to u later sweetie pie..
( SWEETIE PIE..ohlalalalalallalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..i love him already;p )

i tell sara about this and she gets more excited..she thinks i should dress up..
so i wear a cute short white eyelet dress..
and put on red lipgloss..
and tie my hair in a ponytail..and wear my fav tod slippers..

sara gives me the heads up for my outfuit and we go to slider..at around 8ish..

as soon as we walk in..
i see Him..
not my keeper..

but it was a blast from the past..

what the hell..

Mohd was sitting with Ahmed the keeper...

Ahmed smiles and waves..

i wave back

and Mohd looks at us both suprised.

and goes in deep discussion with Ahmed..

to be continued.....


(fyi:mohd, my Kuwaiti ex from uni)

k-u-w-a-i-t part 2

his name was ahmed ha..
love that name...
i smiled..
i just said: nice to meet you..im yara..

he looked suprised..
and he said: i love that name..(LOL)

i didnt know what to say..for some reason..cat got my tounge at that moment..but ahmed continued.." so where are you heading to ya yara..

me: kuwait on jazeera
he laughed: hahahha no way.. me too..
i was happy..i never get this lucky
a cute guy talking to me randomly in the aiport
we are heading to the same destination
he was normal..from what i can tell so far
and we were on the same flight..what more can i ask for..

then we heard a loud voice: FINAL CALL JAZEERA AIRWAYS..FINAL CALL..
we both looked at each other and laughed since we were lost in conversation..

and he said: would you mind if i sit next to u in the flight?
me( JUMPING UP AND DOWN TO MYSELF): trying to act cool...yeah sure..id like that..

we were walking to the terminal.
and we were going inside the plane..
we were both seated in diff places..
however..my cute abercrombie guy told the stewrdess: Darling she's with me..can you manage us two seats?
the stewrdess melted..i mean he's cute..dimples when he smiled..
ofcourse she said: ofcourse sir i will look for a place..

we were seated next to one another in less then 5 min
our plane wasnt so full..which was a good thing..


we talked all the way to kuwait..
what i leared abt ahmed:
1. he graduated from the states..
2. hes 28...PERFEct age
3. he visits bahrain for work
4.he has one older sis and one older brother..making him the baby of the family

he was so sweet..
is he just a player trying to get some action since im going there for the weekend..thinking to myself..

As if ahmed read my mind..

listen Yara i dont usually do this..i hope u understand..seriously i dont know why i did..i was drawn to you...
i didnt want to regret not doing anything..
im forward and i know what i want..

me(thinking straight for once when it comes to guys): u seem nice..and i do want to get to know you more..
friends?

ahmed smiled : friends.

that eased up everything for me..knowing that this is just a friendship and not a meanigless fling for him..
he was geunine..he really wanted to get to know me..

we exchanged numbers..
and we said we might do coffee in kuwait....


He waited with me till my friend picked me up...
I saw a girl walking from afar.
i looked at him..
thats my friend...i better go..

AHmed: it was really nice meeting you..best flight ever;)
HOW SUPER CUTE IS THAT!!!

me: thanks for waiting..

ahmed: anytime..

msg me when your home safe..


hmm..doesnt that sound to much of a boyfriend...

i walk towards my friend
she gives me a hug for like 5 min
and then asks..who's the hottie ur talkng to!!! details..asap...
( fyi: my friend's name is sarah)

i tell my friend his name..
her jaw drops..
and she says..wooow..btw..hes an eligiable bachelor..thgeeeeeeeeeel.ma y36eh elbnat wayh...kila work work..
shnoo swaitelaaayyy tell me...
hehhehehehhe

since kuwait is a small world like bahrain and every1 knows each other..\i was happy with the feedback i got..
i felt it..

ahmed seemed like a keeper...(crossing my fingers and wishing that was true)

until next time.

xxxx

K-U-W-A-I-T

i was heading to Bahrain International Airport.

my sister dropped me..

i was dressed down in my Juicys..i picked an electric blue..to uplift my mood..

i had my aviators on..and my hair was in full motion- very goldylocks..except it was light brown;p

i tried to cheer myself up..

going in the duty free i noticed a cutie checking me out..

he was really tall..

and wearing sweatpants..abercrombie..

hmm...nice...

he was dressed in a fit grey shirt and navy sweatpants..

as if he stepped out of a magazine..

really..

he was cute

he caught me checking him out as well.

and smiled..

usually i would look away and act all serious and aloof..

however since this was a weekend of fun.

i decided to LIVE A little..

i smiled..

heheh

and he smiled even wider..

i walked away...looking at what to get..

the usual makeup stuff..

then suddenly i heard a manly cough

i looked around..

and found my abercrombie guy waiting for me...

all he said was : Hi

i smiled..

i didnt even feel shy for some reason..

i was like : Hi

he was a little bit embaressed and he said: im really sorry i dont usually say hi to random girls in airports..( i laughed)

he eased up..

and continued: so,,mm..my name is ahmed


to be continued..

post- wedding blues

so ive been feeling sorry for myself..
looking at old pics..
talking to our mutal friends about it..

i was sad..
the day of the wedding..
i was msging my friend who was there..

hmm...he didnt invite me
my friends thought it was rude but seriosuly i cant go to his wedding and watch him with someone else..
i was in a state of being heartbroken..
i wasnt in the mood to go out or see anyone..
i wanted to be by myself.

i realized a lot of things about myself..
1. i shouldnt give myself a hard time for what i did when i was younger
2. i should let go and embrace life
3. i shouldnt live in the past (i.e listen to sad music and look at old pics and memories of us)
4. i should suuround myself with positive and energetic ppl and not friends who put me down,.


with this frame of mind, i decided to let go of this depression..
i will find a guy who will love me even more than fahad
and will not let me go..

so i decided what any girl does to cheer herself up.
i packed my bags and visited my best friend from college in kuwait,,,
WEEEEKEEEND TRIP...

help me

I cant sleep..im in bed..trying to stop thinking of u..i really want to call u..im so close to doing it..im thinking bk and forth..call him..or not..call him or not..call him or not.. Im scared it backfires on me.imagine he's rude..he mite be a diff fahad from what i know.can i handle that..we havent talked for a very long time..can i handle it or will it make things even harder.. U knw im thinking to pass by ur wedding just from the outside..i know..im so pathetic..i want to see u on ur wedding day..will u b happy?? Dear readers pls help me out in my tough situation,,im lost,confused,hurt and heartbroken..i am in need of a guy's advice!!! Im falling apart......

three days..

three days left...

im thinking of you
still thinking of you all the time

my friends tell me to get over it
its been so long
and how come im still hung up on u
they dont understand how much i love u
i have never in my life felt this way about anyone
they have never felt this way
or they would have understood what im feeling

i look at my fone all the time
every call i think its you
and my heart sinks a little everytime its not you

i go out
and i think il see u with her
i want to see u with her
i want to see what u will do
will u act like u dont know me
or will u look at me with those big eyes of yours and tell me you love me with them

i can read your eyes
thats how well i know you
and how well you know me
we dont need to talk
we dont need to say anything
we understand each other on a different level..
if i see u
atleast i can know what ur thinking about
i really want to see u

i go out
looking for u
searching for u
where are you Fahad..

at home.i listen to our songs..
i close my eyes
to take me back to the time
i was urs
and you were mine
my head is somewhere else these days
i daydream all the time
wishing it was real..

i want to feel your touch
i want to feel your kiss
i want to touch your face..
i really do..

i go back in time with our memories..

remember when we were walking by the beach at night
and your holding my hand not letting go of me
and we kissed
that perfect kiss
no one was there but us
it seemed like out of a book..
we sat on the sand
you were facing me just looking at me.
telling me how much u loved me..your eyes..so honest..so inviting..
we talked about our future
i could touch my dream..
it all went away in a flash..

everything reminds me of u
i know this is such a cliche to say
but its true..
songs remind me of u
my room reminds me of u
" it was 2000, around 11 or so...first time we talked on the fone for hours and hours and we had skool the next day..
remember fahad?
our first fone call..
i was so happy..

i go back to the time of our graduation as well..
when you kissed me
in that hidden corrider
hoping that no one will see us..
remember that fahad?

i dont want to let you go
what can i do?
im lost and confused..
you broke me
i cant be with anyone else
its not fair..
have u cursed me
i am unable to love after u
thats not normal..
its been years
i just cant seem to take that step..
i cant let you go
i dont want to love anyone but you
i dont want to go out with anyone but you
i dont want to kiss anyone but you

remember our first date fahad
i blush everytime i think of it

i cry everyday at night
no one knows how much i really love you but me
i dont think you even know how much i really care
cuz if u do
trust me you will be with me

i want to hear your voice..
i wish i can call you
but im so scared of your reaction
i know you'll act all tough and be cold with me
i cant handle that right now..
its not fair..

if i can go back in time
i wont do that mistake..i will take good care of u..
i hate the way i think
im not supposed to think like that but i do..its not healthy
im really scared

if you do go ahead with your wedding
should i just give up..

you know what your cousin told me the other day
she was like he might get a divorce u never know and he will end up with you in the end after all
the way its supposed to be
imagine even ur cuzn thinks like that..
she knows we are meant to be..
i cant wait for that what if
i cant stop everything
ive done tht for years
and you have not acknowledged it
you have ignored me
i deserve it
for what i did
but not to this extent..
should i let u go after u go ahead with this marriage..
should i give up on u and forget u

i wish i can do that
then i wouldnt be a mess..

I LOVE U FAHAD..
walah

my heart is killing me
literally, i can feel it break..
i thought ppl exagerate when they talk about heartaches and stuff
but its true
its all true

i know that when u go to bed
u think of me
looking at ur fone
thinking if u shud call or not
then u decide not to..
i know u so well..

if i see u
u mite break..
i want u to break and call me
and give in to me
ur strong without me
but when u see me
u crumble...i see it..
and u see it.

i just need to see u..i really do..

WEDDING COUNTDOWN!!

the wedding is in 4 days..
how can u say u love me when u picked her
how can u fall apart when u see me
but pick her
how can u long for me
but pick her..

it doesnt make sense..
ur initails are engraved in my class ring..
i cant wear that ring anymore..

your not mine..i hope that something happens in the next four days and u wake up
and come bk to me and to ur senses..

isnt that funny that i still have hope..
im pathetic
or is it because im that in love with you that i cant see the truth

You picked someone else
even though it was arranged
you shouldnt have gone thru with it

your so stubborn Fahad..
so stubborn
you would rather live your life with someone you dont love now..why would you do that..
stop being arrogant..
i know you too well..
get over it fahad..
admit it to urself
you love me
i know you do

u have these walls around ur heart
not wanting to get hurt
not wanting to let anyone in

u think what ur doing will make u happy
i will make u happy

god fahad..dont do this..

i look at our pictures..again..and again..
i love that pic of u with my A/X hat..baby blue looks so good on u..
i feel like ur looking at me when i look at that pic..
isnt that weird..
im losing it..
hmm...

fahad..i spray your scent in the pillow next to me..
i feel as if ur next to me..
remember the last time u were next to me ..
telling me how much u loved me
i close my eyes and go back to that day
u next to me in bed
whispering in my ear
how much u love me..
and how much u missed me..
and u actually cried from missing me so much..

i miss u
i miss the nice u
i miss the loving u
i miss the old u

please break down the walls
please come back to me

i made a mistake
im human..
why dont u forgive me and come back

your cousin called the other day..
i couldnt help it but ask about u
he told me how u think its weird that ur going out with ur so called "Wife" and its not me..
and how u have ur doubts..

im doubting the way u felt about me
dont ppl who love forgive?
isnt that whats loving someone all about..

was i really the one??

8 things:p

ive been tagged by my lovely friend cupid..
love u cupid for your sweet words and comments that make my day:* h
extra hugs n kisses for u


8 things im looking forward to:
1. falling head in heels in love and him loving me back MORE
2. going to lebanon in the summer
3. getting a promotion at work *enshalaaaaa ya rab
4. getting married or any of my beautiful sisters getting married
5. the weekend: i need my beauty sleep
6. getting thinner (since im dieting);p
7. having LONGER hair (its near my target now;p)
8. reading celebrity gossip blogs:P

8 things i wish i can do:
1. be anywhere at any given time
2. open my own boutique
3. finding the ONE and settling down
4. doing my masters in D.C
5. not being too nice to ppl and being taken advantage of
6. go back to the 1950s and kiss Omar al Sherif
7. fall in love at first sight
8. owning houses all over the world: paris,london,spain

8 things i love:
1. my family
2. my grandmother allh yer7ma who i think of all the time
3. my best friend from 20 yrs(mshalla..hehe allh e5aleha ley enshala)
4. my blackberry hehehe
5. my hair:p
6. sleeping
7. DUBAI
8. dancing like a manic in the car and cruising:P

8 things i did yesterday:
1.buy a gift
2. chatting online
3. asking advice from a friend abt my love situation
4. take an afternoon nap
5. having a long fone call
6. calming down a friend who was having a mini nervous breakdown
7. wishing for something GREAT to happen
8. watching house

8 shows i watched:
1. gossip girl
2.house
3. 90210 -yawn
4. friday night lights -LOVE
5. one tree hill - LOVE LOVE
6. grey's anatomy - so sad
7.dirty sexy money
8. heroes

8 bloggers i LOVE and tag..
1. Cupid
2. M
3.love:**
4. fxyz
5. a*mode
6. dazzlin
7. cute and cuddly
8.3anooda

damn luck!

ive been laying low for a while
things haven't been going as expected..

we started off again beautifully.. me and fahad..
things were going more than amazing..
it was a dream come true..
but i guess it was just a dream..
and i woke up..

let me tell u what happened..

on a regular day..
fahad called me up..
we were just talking...
really
very casual..
he was out with his dad..
so he had to go..

his dad was super conseravtive and didnt know about us
his mom was the cool one..
she knew all along abt us
and pretty much knew our histroy since high skool..

so im bored at home..
listening to music..
putting on my nailposh..
i decide to send Fahad a cute msg..
just a simple msg..

"miss u..kisses"

i get no response..
thats weird..
one hour
two hours
three hours
four hours..
now i panic...
i mean i know its just four hours..but fahad is the type of guy who calls n texts a lot..

then late at night..
around 12ish i get a call from him...

he seemed weird
pissed
really pissed..
"fahad baby eshfeek 7agernii elyoum"
fahad: y3ni sij mat3rfeen shno swaitay elyoum
im stunned by his harsh tone..
his attitude
his anger

what did i do..


fahad coninues: do u know that my dad read ur stupid msg
i tense up..
who is he to call my msg stupid..
i stay quiet..
i didnt know what to say

he continues: y3ni u know i was with my dad..laish u send a msg..
i cut him off and say: o why wud he check ur fone min bed kil elayam..
y3ni how would i know..and why are u so mad..

fahad ignores me and continues: do u know how embaressed and little u made me infront of my dad..
he got so mad at me..
he told me to end this between us
he doesnt want me to lead on girls..

here i feel as if my body was boiling..
i was PISSED..
so mad...
i cut him off rudely: listen..first of all, im not any girl..i am ur girl..u said u want me as ur wife..
why couldnt u just tell ur dad that..its not like i sent the msg on purpose..

fahad: chofay yara..my dad is right.. i shouldnt be doing this..i cant marry you a9lan

even though i was crying at this point i didnt want to let him know..
: look if u want to let go of me this quick hay shay raje3 lak..ana i just sent a msg..3ady..its not like it was on purpose..ur the the one that came back to me..ur the one who started things..
what do u think i am a game to u
why do u keep playing with me
im not your F----KIG puppet fahad..
youm ull mary me
youm ur scared from ur dad o u dont want me anymore

so ur leading me on..
so i guess im the stupid one right..

listen ill make it easy for u
i will not call u or msg u again..
happy?
dont worry about ur dad reading ur msgs anymore..

fahad was stunned....
taken back by yara's anger
and honesty,,
was he really treating her like his own personal yo-yo..

he was quiet..
yara: i need to go..
(i couldnt hold my tears any longer)..

damn my luck..

why did u come back and break my heart all over again..

this killed fahad..
he wanted to think of what to say to fix it,,
he couldnt think of anything..

yara: bye..take care
i didnt even wait for a bye..
and just shut it..

2 seconds later
i get a msg
" its so rude that u didnt wait for me to say bye"

NO RESPONSE..
i ignore..

i literally cry my eyes out
sobbing
i called the first person to come to my mind
my best friend
and child hood friend
and tell her what had happened..

he was an ass
a coward
scared of his dad


do i really want to be with someone like that..


until next time:*

Once in a Lifetime

i dont think i have ever been this happy..
i havent been writing in my post..i thought id jinx it..
but nw i feel im ready to do so..

fahad and i talked and talked
for days it seemed..
we get each other's jokes
we get each other's mood swings..
i know what he likes..
he knows what i dont like..
its going really well..
the first couple of days were a bit awkward..

let me tell u about seeing him after all these years..
i got a msg on my blackberry..saying.." wana do coffee:P"
i literally freaked out..
i havent seen fahad for a very very very long time..
i had butterflies in my stomache
i called my best friend..and she told me not to panic.
fahad loves me
and i should make the most of my time with him.instead of freaking out..
i get ready..
wear light makeup...he's not a fan of makeup..

i get out of my car..i see him outside the coffeshop..wearing my AIX cap..that blue cap
waiting for me
his whole face lights up
(btw im actually getting tears writing this..sorry very emotional time for me)
all my fears go OUT THE window..
i become me again
i feel like the old me again
i smile back..
and send him a fly kiss..
I hear his laugh..
oh..that laugh...ive mised hearing that..

i get close to him..
he comes closer..
he stretches out his hand.
i push it away and gently pull him closer for a hug..
(i know i know..a little bit forward but i really cant help it)
we hug..and i can smell the amazing smell of his perfume..Creed..i love that smell...
he hugs me..not wanting to let go..
i couldnt help but cry..
to my suprise..
Fahad starts to get tears in his eyes..he's so not the crying type..
i wipe away his tear..
he kisses my forehead..
and inhales my scent..
"Yara..ive missed u so much"

That was by far the sweetest reunion ever..
im in love
in love again..

he was the one that got away but came back..
we have had our problems..
we have tried to move on with other ppl with no luck..
i truly do belive that there are people that come once in a lifetime.
and to me thats my Fahad..
he is my once in a lifetime..

he is the love of my life..
he is the guy that has adored me for years and years..
with him its just easy
i think if realtionships are complicated then,its not meant to be..
with Fahad..it was easy..
loving him was easy
thats why i was a wreck when he left me..

" i love u fahad.we have grown up together..we have loved each other..we have grown apart by we have come back which is the most important thing from all of this..thank u for coming back to me..you are my true and only soulmate..with you i am complete..you are my other half..my better half..i light up around u..
a7bek..walah ana amoot feek
and im lucky to know u and have u

baby..my baby..
you have made me the happiest person


to all my friends who are reading this..i love u
thank u for ur comments that have inspired me always..
thank u for worrying about me
:)
im finally healed..

OUT OF THE BLUE!!!

two days earlier: (Still the present)

Aliyah came back from the gym exhausted..
she was upset about her new breakup..
she was really looking forward to this guy
and things were going well.
she was fed up.she needed to MOVE ON with her life..she had to move on..it was time for her..
and it was getting too late she feared..

she kept thinking about that loser of a guy..and going over possibilites to why he would end it with her so quickly..
was it because he was younger
or was it because he had a lot going on with his family problems..can it be that..or was it just her
had he hated the way she looked..
funny thing was they looked alike..
and Aliyah did something she never did before..she only told her best friend..that was it
no one knew about her new guy..
he was her secret..
aliyah was a blabber..trusting ppl with her issues and problems and this got her NOWHERE..
thats why she had decided to play it safe with the new guy..
she was caring but not too caring
she was sweet but not too romantic..
and she wasnt clingy after all..a trait she belived she had accquired after losing Fahad..

she took a long hot shower..just thinking and recapping abt this..
she went to her room..put on her fav creams and sprays..(this was a ritual she had..pampering herself was one of her fav things to do..) she put on her fav cream of the moment..bath and body works vanilla..which smelled heaVENLY....

she sat on her bed..got her laptop and opened the latest episodes of grey's anatomy which she had downloaded..
she was deeply watching it with full concentration..
then her fone rang..
it was a weird number
Aliyah's heart fluttered
is it him
was he calling her to apologize....it had to be..

Aliyah picked it up and to her suprise..
she heard a familiar voice
a voice she would never forget
or ever will for that matter..

Fahad: halla Aliyah
Aliyah in shock: halla Fahad sh5barik
Fahad: mshalla 3laich 3refteny 3gb kil hal sneen
Aliyah without thinking said the first thing in her mind: eshlon ansa 9outik.mgdar
then she went quiet..it had just registerd to her what she had said!!! she wanted to play it cool but ofcourse when its a significant ex all words go out the window!!
Fahad: im sure ur suprised why i called..i just wanted to tell u....this is really hard and u might think im weird for being so honest but

..
..
..
..
..
..
.

i broke off my engagment.. i couldnt go through it anymore..
i still love u Aliyah..

Aliyah was in shock and disbelief..the phone literally dropped from her hands and she had to pick it up
the day she had been waiting for her had come...
she was waiting for Fahad
it was always Fahad
deep down she was wishing he would come back
she had only decided to move on after she had lost ALL hope since there was no communication btw them for FOUR years..

Fahad continued: its been four years..ive missed u everyday of these years.
i keep picking up the fone and shutting it
i couldnt make this call
i wanted to forgive u
bs i was so stubborn
i thought i would find someone else to make me forget
but actually it made me love u and appreciate u more
u were young
and we all make mistakes
ive made my fair share of my mistakes and u would alwys forgive me..
who am i to judge..
i just want to tell u
give me a chance..
i want u
u r the one for me
i want to marry u
not someone else..
it was alwys u Aliyah
im so sorry for pushing u away..

i dont know what to expect..i know this is out of the blue for u
but when i got engaged
and realized how serious it was
i couldnt go thru it
i couldnt hurt the girl anymore
i didnt love her
and i couldnt
no girl measures up to u in my eyes..

so Aliyah
what im trying to say is

"wil u give me another chance?"




to be continued....

to my readers

hello:*

i hope uve missed me as ive missed u guys.
thank you for ur kind msgs and thoughtful comments..
i guess i was going thru a semi- depression after my breakup..
i hope u understand..
i will not stop the blog..
and a new post will be there tonight..

thanks once again..
i really do love u all
and cant give u up! sorry for my crazy outburst:P

xxxooo

no comment..the end.

to my readers..

ive posted a problem..a real problem im facing and i get a mere three comments..
im really down
and i thought i can count on ur help
but i guess i asked for too much
im falling apart..
and i wanted ur support and advice
i wanted to hear inputs..
i wanted to know what u think
i thank those that commented..it means a lot that they are there for me when i need them

anyways i have decided not to post anymore
and will delete my blog..
i just need the strength to do it.


anyways..
to my readers all i can say is no comment..

i guess i can try to figure it out by myself..


bye my readers..hope u enjoyed my story..
it has reached the end of its course..

Right Now!

Yesterday:

i waited..
i was nervously looking at my phone,checking the time..
i was at a friend's birthday dinner and all i can think about was Him...

it was 9pm and still nothing
it was 10pm and nothing

just as i was about to leave i recieve two weird texts from my guy..
first txt is simply my name..
how weird
second txt is him telling me that he has low battery incase i call and his fone is switched off,,

whats going on here?
what had changed him..
why is he acting distant and aloof..
i knew all along in the back of my head..
it was all becuase of the day before..

let me give u a recap..
the previous day:

it was our first date!
fist date..
we agree to meet for coffee..we've been talking for quite some time and he really wanted to meet up
He was so sweet and caring and thoughtful
and i really feel for him
i usually have my guards up and a barrier to my heart
but with him it was all different

i opened up to him and truly let him in
i welcomed him with open arms
and was finally letting go of my prior demons
he opened up to me and confided in me..which i absolutely loved..

during our coffee date, im shy
and he's not
i keep playing with any object on the table to help me ease my tension
and he picks up on that
and jokes about it
he finds it enduring..

we talk and talk
it was your amazing first date..
where u cant look in his eyes for too long since ur shy
i was blushing
he was too

he was saying all the right things..

i stay for an hour only since it is afterall only date one..

he walks me to my car and opens the door..

i was estatic
literally flying on air..
so i wait a bit and send him a txt msg ..i know i know bad move
i just couldnt wait till he sends one..
i KNEW it was mutaul..
and we had just stumbled on SOMETHING GREAT...us

there was chemistry..and just overall...a good feeling about the whole thing...
we were set-up by our friends..
they thought we would make a cute couple..and also..we kinda look alike which is cute
both of us are fair..

he sends msgs back and forth..
and i was happy all throughout my day...

that night i wait for a call and i get nothing..
just a msg saying he had a fight with his dad and he's in a bad mood..

the next day (which is yesterday)..

i wait..for a txt..
for a call
for anything
i mean i just saw the guy..he's supposed to be calling and texting more
not the other way round
i was begining to doubt..
then i got a txt
very cold
very aloof from him

my doubts get the best of me..and i think of what had i done
did i say something in our date?
did he not like the way i look? this was getting the best of me..my self-esteem was slowly going down and down..

so..all day i wait for his call..since he said in the txt he will call..
i get nothing..
absolutely Nothing!

i get upset more and more by the hour
is he just in a bad mood..
i just feel something is wrong..

then at around 1pm..
i get a msg from him
FINALLY..
i smile..im sure he was texting to tell me what he's up to and when he will call..

to my shock
he sends a very long msg..
talking about how hes not ready for commitmment and hes not in a place right now in his life to be in a realtionship..
and that im a "very sweet girl"
i cringe..
i re-read the msg over and over again in disbelief..
was that a prank forward..
it wasnt
this was really him
what had gone wrong after date no.1?
during the date we talked about date no.2 and he was telling me lets plan something early on the week..
the date was flawless.
so what changed him..

i started crying
and crying.
till i had no tears..
i was hurt
i had let myself go
and this is what i get..
i was really hurt..
i was looking at the whole thing as a BIG picture..
how can he dump me after our date
he was the one who dying over me
REALLY...
i was going over what was said..
did i say something??
did i do something?

i was being myself..and i totally let him in my life..
i had gotten so used to him..
i was falling for him..

was it really my looks?
ppl compliment me on my looks but maybe im just not his cup of tea
can that be the case?

was it something i said in the date?
i just cant put a finger on what had gone wrong

we are in diff places in our life..maybe that was his issue..
i dont know..maybe he wanted to play around and im not that girl for it..
from what our friends told me he wanted a realtionship so why not with me:(
is there something wrong with me?




i JUST DONT know..

im so sick and tired of being out there..
im fed up


my readers..i tell u everything about me..can you pls help me out ...im really upset..
im at home writing this.i didnt have the heart to go to work..
explain to me what went wrong..
im really really upset abt Him

the mistake that ended it all...

somewhere down the line..Early 2004..

Aliyah got a call at 2 a.m at night from Fahad..
She picked up so excited to hear his voice
But to her suprise

" ALIYAHH,,,Fahad was shouting at the top of his lungs..
DO YOU KNOW..SALMAN AL....

Aliyah got shocked..how did he find out about her summer fling that didnt last at all and that had fizzled just a few days earlier..
She and Fahad decided it was better to be friends..so her friends after a while introduced her to this guy who studied in the UK..
he was a complete bore who was still hung up on his ex-gf who cheated on him
Aliyah was just a helpful friend..
their relationship didnt sky rocket as expected..and she had ignored the dude just a few days ago..
she didnt know what to respond..she panicked..
ALiyah: fahad..i dont know who ur talking about..walah walah..she was started to cry..he was so angry..she had never seen this side of Fahad
Fahad: you dont know who im talking about..YOU DONT KNOW HA..I DONT WANT TO EVER TALK TO U AGAIN..U THINK BAHRAIN ISNT SMALL..I KNOW EVERYTHING..

and the line went dead..

Aliyah was in disbelief ..what had just happened..
She felt so guilty and hated herself..she should have given this new guy a chance..it was obvious he talked about her and news got to Fahad..
What had she done..she hated herself so much at that moment..

oN A side note: Aliyah lost intrest in this Salman guy since she realized that the grass isnt greener on the other side..it actually made her appreciate Fahad more..she had fallen in love all over again with Fahad..just a few days back she was going to tell Fahad that she wants a relationship again..she was in love with him more than ever..this is the sucky part since it was a mistake on her behalf that Fahad will never forget..even though she and Fahad were friends at the time..she had hurt him so much..and she hated herself so much..for such a long time afterwards...she would never forget that this mistake ended their special love..she had lost the love of her life..he was "the one that got away"
Aliyah would always reminisce about this time..its a little bit fuzzy now since she had blocked this bad memory
She hated herself and her world ended for her.really ended..
she would try to make herself feel better and think that she was young and immature and didnt know what she wanted..
she wasnt strong in relationships and she let her friends influence her descions..something she NEVER does now..but still..Fahad is gone..her Fahad..her Love..her everything..
she was a cheater..
she had cheated on Fahad..(true that they were friends..but Fahad never saw her in that light)
she had hurt him
till this day Aliyah has never forgiven herself for her immature mistake..


Aliyah sobbed till she felt her heart will come out of her heart..
she was dizzy..
she was light-headed...
she needed fresh air..
what had just happened here..
had she lost her relationship in a few minutes...all went down the drain in a mere second..
one day she had it all
and now she had nothing..absolutely nothing..

Aliyah called back Fahad over and over again..
he would just hit "end"..
he wasnt picking up her calls...
she sent him txts..apologizing..explaining..with no response..

This was the case for the coming few days..txts..emails..no response..
she emailed his roommate and cousin (even though she knew Fahad hated ppl interfering in their relationship) and he had promised to help her out since he was aware of what had happened..
Aliyah was beginning to get desperate.
she called again..
and to her surprise.." this line is not in service anymore"

Fahad had changed his number!!!!!
Fahad had changed his number!!!
Fahad had changed his number!!!


She had to take a drastic measure..
She was about to call his brother..
His brother wasnt fond of her at all..and was in Bahrain..
She called him up
and he was shocked to hear from her..
she said she was a friend from school and asked for Fahad's new number
Fahad's brother knew it was Aliyah and gave her the number..he was shocked and didnt know what else to do..
she had caught him truly off-guard..( he wasnt aware of what had happened btw his brother and Aliyah or else it wouldnt have been so easy)

Aliyah waited for a bit..trying to think of what she will tell Fahad..
she wrote down notes in her book..of what she wants to say
she was so nervous..
To her surprise..
she got a call..
a "no number"
she picked up and it was Fahad..
Fahad obviously mad: what the hell r u doing calling my older brother...
Aliyah started crying.." im so sorry i didnt know what else to do..u made me take things to a drastic level..why would you change ur number.."
Fahad felt a pang of guilt
he had read her msgs..had he jumped to conclusions..
had he not given her a chance to speak up
he paused..and let out a loud sigh..
"ok Aliyah tell me ur side of the story since you've been trying to get a hold of me.."


...and hence, a spark of hope was ignited in Aliyah's heart..



to be continued...


side note to my reader: pls do not hate me for what i have done to Fahad..this was so hard for me to write..as i have blocked this mistake from my memory,..
it took a lot of gut to write this down..
i hope you realize this and dont hate me for it..

a little bit of the present..

late 2008..

Aliyah was doing her usual Sat routine at night,..she was online chatting with her friends..
She was dreading the fact that she had work tomorrow
She wasn't motivated at all
She wasn't working in something she dreamed of..

She was in desperate need of a change.she was fed up.
She wasn't living the life she assumed she would
Bahrain was dull compared to the vibrant ,upbeat Beirut..

She was chatting away ..listening to music..in her room..
when all of a sudden..her childhood friend sends her a msg on msn..

"Hey Aliyah..i want to tell u something before u hear it from a stranger..
Aliyah got a bit worried..what the hell was he going to tell her now..she was a little bit nervous..

hER heart dropped..when she read the following msg

" Btw..Fahad got engaged about two weeks ago..to this girl..it was arranged.."

Aliyah felt as if someone had slapped her
She knew this day was going to come eventually
but she secretly hoped that A. he would come back to her and tell her that he cant live without her
2. she would get engaged before he does..and be happy once and for all..

sHe tried to act calm and cool..and sent the following msg
" oh i heard about it..thanks for being sweet and thoughtful to my feelings ( Aliyah hated lying but she was afraid that he would tell Fahad..and she wanted him to know she was ok with it..even though she wasnt!!!


Aliyah logged off msn..and shut the doors to her room
she wasnt in the mood for anyone..

She was deep in her thoughts..
Time had flew by and she was still stuck..

She had never felt the way about anyone the way she did about Fahad..
She was scared..
she felt pressured from her family and friends to move on...

People close to her were getting married left and right..and she was in a standstill in her life..
What had happened to her..
why is she unable to meet someone new and get on with her life..

She felt guilty...
She knew it was her fault..the whole breakup with Fahad..
she wished she could turn back time..and fix things..
She didnt appreciate him until it was too late..
Just thinking about it makes her want to cry
even thought she did the unthinkable..he had to forgive her..
she was young and stupid..she didnt know better..
if he loved her..
would he have forgiven her for what she did...
but he didnt..
does that mean that Fahad didnt love her..
or what she did was so big that he couldnt come bacl..

Fahad changed after Aliyah..
He wasnt the same again
He hated girls and didnt trust them..
He had shut off that feeling..
He both loved and hated Aliyah for what she did to him years and years ago..




Fahad was deep in thought..
Was Aliyah thinking about him now since he had gotten engaged..
does she still think about him from time to time..
It had been such a long time..
It had been a year since they last saw each other by accident..
Was he too harsh in the way he treated her..
Or he was better off without her..
Fahad tried so hard to sleep that night with no luck..
He was doubting his descions..his past..his present and his future made no sense to him now..




UFF..
Aliyah was frustrated..
she had to do some drastic change in her life..
Fahad was gone
and she had to accept that reality

He will never come back..
He will never call her..
it was so sad..and pathetic in a way that Aliyah still had feelings for Fahad..
She hated herself for feeling this way..




All hope had died that day...

missing You...

it was late 2004..
Aliyah called him up..she had to hear his voice..
They talked everyday..
She wasnt about to let him go
Even if he was...

She called..waiting..one ring..two ring..
fahad: aloo
Aliyah: hi baby
Fahad: aliyah pls dont make this harder..why r u still calling me
Aliyah: fahad..ur my family eshlon i just stop talking to u..
Fahad: ok talk to me bs pls dont make this harder then it already is...

Aliyah couldnt take this anymore..
She started crying..
bawling like a baby..
She couldnt breath..
She had a headache frm cying so much..
She told him: i gotta go..talk to u some other time..i cant...Fahad cut her off..
her tears alwys get the best of him
" 7beebty..tekfain...dont cry..pls baby dont cry..3wartay galby..
Aliyah's heart meleted
He still loved her..
Hearing those sweet words were all she needed to get thru this dreadful night without being his girlfriend anymore
To her, the world had no meaing..
She truly believed thAt
He's the one
He was alwys the one for her
Till today..she refers to him as the one that got away...*Sigh*
He knew her inside out
He knew everything about her..everything..her family..her friends..her likes..dislikes..her mood swings..what to say..
Fahad alwys knew what to say and when to say it..
He had the magic touch with her..
She closed her eyes..and tried to visualize him..
The last time they met..
The last time they kissed
She didnt think it was going to be their last kiss
She wished she knew back then...
She wanted to remember every little detail..but her memory failed her..

She sighed heavily...as if her heart was too heavy for her to carry..
Fahad: esmila 3laich min elaaahhh..pls aliyah latsween feeh ro7ich chethe...3warty galby..plsss
Aliyah: im so sorry..i dont know what got into me..wala mat3arf eshkether welhat 3ala 9outik..
mat3arf.walah..elee 9ar mo ebyady..
Fahad couldnt take this anymore..He felt at ease with her..will he ever feel this with another girl..when he talks to her he loses the ability to think straight..she still had that effect on him..should he just cut her out completly..he couldnt do that...she was afterall..a big part of his life and still is..but not romantically anymore..he was set with his descion..there was no going back...
Aliyah continued: Fahad..just talk..i just want to hear your voice..
Fahad felt as if he was melting little by little as she said the cutest thing to him..
Fahad: eshtbene agol y3ni.mmm....3ndee group meeting in a bit..o i have this essay to hand in about bahrain goverement for my politics class..
As Fahad began talking about his day to day isssues..Aliyah just listened..to his voice..not to what he was saying..she was mezmirized by it..
He was the voice she had to hear before going to bed..it was a rule they had..she told him earlier in their realtionship that she cant sleep without hearing his voice and its true..
you cant imagine how hard it is to sleep without it now...trust me you cant imagine...

Fahad excused himself and Aliyah went to bed exhausted..not physically but mentally and emotionally..
she was drained out..she had cried her eyes out..and she still had a headache..
she reached for her dresser and got two panadol pills..and waited for its effect..

while she was waiting..she looked for his perfume..she sprayed the scent on her pillow..she loved doing that..as odd as that was..she felt closer to him.she felt like he was there with her still..

This was bad..
She had never been this depressed in her life..
She was seriously losing it..
she was isolated and felt so alone in this world...

Aliyah kissed his picture goodnight..her favorite one..of him in starbux wearing her armani exchange baby blue hat...
She switched off the light..

she was Praying for things to be better in the morning..
" dear god..please let him come back to me.."

it was so sad..
Aliyah went to bed with tears in her eyes..

She wanted him back
She had to have him back..



**post dedicated to my Fahad..miss u still after all these years..

bittersweet memory 1

....
.....
it was such a long time ago..
Aliyah was nervous..she was standing with all her fellow classmates..class of ...it was her senior year,,it was the best year by far..
She was so nervous..that the butterflies in her stomach were doing cartwheels! she was so happy that this day had finally come
she looked around..she looked for none other then her better half..Fahad..
Fahad was her high school sweet-heart..she looked at him..and smiled..she felt the butterflies calmed down once she saw him
He made her heart stop as corny as that sounds
Fahad was the nicest guy,all her friends loved him..he was her childhood friend,partner in crime,the person she goes to when she's down..
He knew her inside out...
and the same goes for him..

He smiled at her..and blew her a kiss..
Aliyah blushed..
All her classmates knew about them..even the teachers thought it was cute,since they've been a couple since the tenth grade and they were close friends before that..
Even their families knew about their realtionship..it was too obvious to hide and Fahad wanted to marry Aliyah,,that was evident to everyone..in the future that is..
She was his girl...and everyone knew that.

Fahad walked slowly to the mic..it was his turn to say the graduation poem..Fahad had a flare for writing,,he was ashamed of it..but Aliyah bugged him to sumbit his poem just incase it was picked for the graduation and it was..
Fahad smiled only for Aliyah..
Aliyah felt as if it was just the two of them..
He looked up and began reciting the poem( in Arabic ofcourse)
He was confident..and the audience loved it

Loud applause was followed..as Fahad sighed with a breath of relief as that ordeal was over.
He walked away slighlky grabbing Aliyah's hand and held it tightly for a second..

Aliyah had goosebumps all over...blushing as usual..
Fahad had that effect on her..

Fahad went back to his seat..

The graduation dragged on for quite some time...
then it was time..
this was the moment that they were waiting for

The head principle said in a loud voice.." CLASS OF 200X , you may change the tassle to the left...Congrualtions..what was said next was ignored by the whole class...
All what was heard after were shouts..and the caps were flying all over..laughter filled the place
Everyone was excited...They were offical high school graduates..

As they walked in two's going into the small room ..everyone was looking for their friends, relatives were coming in...flowers were everywhere and gifts as well...
Happy parents were taking pictures...big happy families excited for thier daugher/son's graduation..

Fahad was looking for her..
They had promised that they will congrrulate each other first..
He saw her..
She was in the corridor waiting for him..
It was more private..
She hugged him tightly..
He hugged her so tight that he was able to carry her..
what he felt that moment was undescribable.
He gently kissed her on the lips..

Aliyah blushed: first time i kiss a high school graduate (in a teasing way)
Fahad laughed..aya 3laich Aliyah..i love u
Aliyah : i love u more walah
btw..mabrook 3ala elta5rej
Fahad smiled widely: ebareek feech o e5alech lei
and he gently kissed her on her forehead..
He got something from his pocket,,
A box
a bluish greenish box with white bow
Aliyah knew that brand so well

It was her favorite,,Tiffany's ofcourse..
She opened it and saw it
A heart shaped earring with tiffany engraved in it

Aliyah loved the gift..her eyes were begining to get filled with tears..
Fahad: babe lat9e7een..not the reaction i was going for...aya 3alich testahlain akthar
Aliyah: its perfect walah..ent perfect...mdri eshlon i can handle you going to a different country..

Aliyah brought up the sensitive subject..
They were fighting about it for weeks..they didnt want to part...
they didnt know what to do..

Fahad smiled..7beebty..lets enjoy our gradtion and our after-grad ( FYI: its a party that happens after graduation for the senior class in a hotel)
then we will talk about this...i dont want to talk about this now,.tekfaiin latz3lenee
Aliyah felt guilty..sorry baby..yalaa lets go to our friends n take pictures..
Fahad: dont forget i want a picture with u alone...
walah did i tell u how pretty u look today..

Aliyah smiled with such love that Fahad felt it..truly felt the love..he took her hand and walked in the room together...

......................................

The day had come for Fahad to leave..he was leaving two weeks before her..
He was going to Australia
She was going to Lebnon..

they had wrote plane letters to each other..it was Aliyah who made Fahad do that even though he felt a bit childish doing it,..but he would do anything for his Aliyah...
They exchanged letters..
and looked at each other..
They were at the airport..
Fahad had saved the best for last..
This was the hardest of all goodbye's

She was crying non-stop..
She couldnt stop
What was she going to do without him
Will their love be stronger..or will they drift apart

aliyah heard of so many couples breaking up becuz of long distance
were they different

She looked up at him: fahad pls latrooo7..
Fahad trying not to cry: baby ill see u in 3 months bs..i promise..walah ana ma wdy i leave u
Fahad continued: aliyah keep this in mind..i love u..walah eny a7bech..i will never let u go..i promise u walah..i wil call u everyday from there..bs entay wait and see pls..yala 3ad laymonaa th7kay eshwaiii

Aliyah laughed at her nickname..Fahad was trying to be original in his nicknames and he came up with laymonaaaa
Aliyah believed him...
She was sure of him
so sure...
Aliyah: i love u more waalh...pls msg me as soon as u reach every airport..if u dont i will just worry..
Fahad knew Aliyah wasnt going to sleep..she had a habit of sleeping when he reached the destination..
He loved how caring she was...
He had never met anyone like that
His friends were all envious of their special realtionship..it was pure..it was real..

Aliyah hugged him not wanting to let go..
read my letter...
its only 8 pages back and forth

Fahad laughed: i love u baby..as he kissed her on both cheeks..then he kissed her on her forehead..
She kissed him back

Their public display of affection was causing quite a scene..:P
Awww first love is the sweetest:)

she let go of him finally..

he walked away
turning back at her for the very last time..

He would alwys remember that..the way she looked..how upset she was..
He hated it..
He wanted to go to the same university as Aliyah but his dad wouldnt allow it..
He wished he could go back and hug aliyah and not go to Australia...

Fahad looked at his plane letter..
He smelled it
He knew Aliyah would spray perfume on it..
He smiled...He felt like she was there with him...

He loved every little thing about her..


LOve
Love
Love
Love

Major Drama in Beirut International Airport...

**dedicated to Cupid..thanks for motivating me to write..this is for u.

pls guys i hope to see your comments..i really do need your comments to keep going...please tell me if ur reading this
xxx


Aliyah reached BEIRUT safe and sound el7imdila.
She was wearing as usual one of her juicys since they were the only way to travel..
sHe had zero makeup on and was wearing only her fav aviator ray-bans to hide her face..
While she was on the plan she was reminiscing about her old times with Fahad..
She was in an inner conflict..
She didnt know what she wants
As for Mohd she didnt reply to his msg..she wasnt going to forgive so easily for letting her go...

as soon as she reached for her luggage..she went to look for a familiar face in the crowd..
To her utter surprise
He was there
He was actually waiting for her..

Where were the girls...they had told her that they will be picking her up
But instead he was there
How was that possible..

Aliyah lifted her glasses to take a better look
was she day dreaming
He was smiling so bright and with such love that the ppl around them were looking ..She walked slowly to him..
Step by step..
He was only looking at her
she was only looking at him

She felt her heart flutter with joy,happiness and so much love..real love..not that infatuation she felt she was in..

She couldnt wait any longer..
and ran to him from excitement..
She wasnt going to play hard to get
She had him
she always did

he picked her up..and carried her..she twirled as if they were filming a romantic movie..
She hugged him so tightly
And he hugged her back with all his strength..

Aliyah: Fahad..
Fahad: e3yoon fahad
Aliyah with tears rolling down her cheeks..: u came all the way from Australia for me
Fahad: cheftay eshlon ele e7bch ma ehdech
Aliyah felt a pang of guilt about Mohd..she completly disregarded that idea until...

She saw from the corner of her eyes while buried in Fahad's toned shoulders..there
was Mohd..waiting..
he looked hurt,,betrayed..
their eyes met
and Aliyah looked away...

What are the odds of having them both in the airport..She didnt acknowledge Mohd since he had hurt her and let her go
He was the one who didnt want her
so what was he doing there..
She didnt care
She was with the right person..
Fahad came all the way from Australia to prove his life..
Mohd let her go just because of his friends..he didnt see her as a future..Fahad did...Fahad truly cared about her..

She saw Mohd walk away and take one last look at the reunited lover..

Mohd was devastated...
who was this guy? was this her ex? was it possible he came all the way from Australia or was it just a school friend...if it was just a friend she would have acknowledged atleast his presence..he wanted to surprise her
Why did he ruin the best thing that happened to him since moving to Beirut to study..why did he listen to his friends
He had lost Aliyah once and for all..she didnt want him
she didnt love him..he was sure that she realized that he was just not worth it anymore..
i should have done more
i should have not let her go that easily..

Mohd was trying to hold back his tears..
what the hell was wrong with him..he had never acted this mushy towards a girl
she was different and he had lost her..
and he was mad at her
how could she move on so quickly..or was it just a friend..
he was confused beyond reason..
he needed help..

Mohd reached for his cell and dialled his older sister's number,Maha
He began telling her all the details of what had happened..
His sister listed carefully to each word Mohd was saying and could tell he was clearly very upset..
Maha: Mohd pls latz3al 3lai bs let me tell u something..ent u broke up with her for no good reason..akeed ehya ma rdat 3la ur call n msg because how can she guarantee herself you wont do it again..you cant tell a girll u love her and u tell her about some sort of future and u drop her..
I know im being tough on u bs im telling u this fom a girl's point of view
Mohd listed intently to what his sister was saying..he knew she was right after all
Maha continued: How can you say you love her o etswey feha what u did
Mohd defending himself: y3ni elwa7ed maha ma ya'3l6..
Maha felt bad and wanted to take back what she said: sorry 7amood mo qasdy anarfzik..bs ur right..choof hay ele chefta bil m6ar most likely her ex from Australia..shkla lal7een he wants her..u told me ena they were serious..very serious 9a7
Mohd: yes they were ( with such saddness that Maha tried very hard not to cry..she hated seeing her baby brother upset)
Maha: 7beeby..choof maybe he came to visit her..mo akeed they got back together..trah u should try since the other guy is trying,...win her back.let her fall in love with u again..if u really think she's the one for u...its up to u..trah u can change this ..
Mohd listened carefully...

Maha was absouletly right..he was going to fight back
He wanted his Aliyah back
he wasnt going to let that scum bag of an ex get his Aliyah..

He thanked Maha for her advice and headed to his apartment as he blasted the volume and was lost in thought as Nawal and Fathel's A7wil was playing..He was thinking about Aliyah and what will he do next...

...................................


This song is dedicated to anyone who is missing someone they love:
i miss u mr.x ( wont tell u who this is until later)

ابحكيلك عن احوالي وابيك تشوف لي صرفه
خيالك دايم في بالي .. واحس بشيء ما اعرفه
يوديني الفكر ويجيب .. وشوقي لك معنيني
لأنك لما عني تغيب .. تضيق الدنيا في عيني
وش احكي لك .. وش افسر .. عن احوالي وعن علومي ؟
كثر شوقي لك تصور .. اشوفك حتى في نومي
تعب حالي وقلبي ضاق .. يشيلك سر في صدري
وأنا من زحمة الأشواق .. اخاف اموت وماتدري
ومن حبك وتأثيرك .. فؤادي ينبض بطاريك
صعب يهوى أحد غيرك .. وهو ميت اساسا فيك
وش احكي لك وش افسر عن احوالي وعن علومي ؟
كثر شوقي لك تصور اشوفك حتى في نومي
...

to my readers

To my readers,

i have noticed that only a few of you post your thoughts to what i write..i feel as if the rest dont like what im writing..feel free to tell me if its getting a bit slow or dull..i feel like not so many ppl are really reading it anyway..
can you guys please motivate me to write?
i need your help..

love u

:***

can things possibly get even more complicated.???

Aliyah woke up and looked around..this wasn't her dorm room..it was her room in Bahrain..she was filled with happiness..she was home..it felt so good..she woke up with a smile..
Her fone was next to her..she saw a bunch of missed calls from Reem,Rana,and Noora..obviously they were worried about her since she took off by surprise to Bahrain
Also, the most important call..was that of Mohd's
Aliyah gasped when she saw his number..
was she imagining..
She looked at her fone again..it was Mohd's number..she felt her heart flutter..she had butterflies..
Mohd was worried about her obviously since he didnt see her in their usual morning meeting place..
She didnt know what to do...she will make him wait..she wasnt going to budge..

She got up..went to the bathroom for a long relaxing shower..she came out of the bathroom ..and sat infront of her dresser..She looked at the different kinds of creams.lotions,makeup she had,,she loved smelling and looking her best..
She put on her different scents..( mostly vanilla mixed with Arabian oud)..then put her fav victoria secret body cream..amber romance..she loved that smell...
She wore comfy slacks and a t-shirt..

Aliyah called the girls one by one and explained why she was M.IA(missing in action)..
SHe told them about her breakup and how he had called her..
All of them told her to not call back...
Aliyah was confused...should she just ignore his call..or call back and act normal..


A knock on her door "woke" her up and it was her Mother wanting her to come sit with the family for their usual lunch..


............................

On the other side, Mohd was worried..Aliyah still hadnt called him back..was she ok? was she ignoring him...he hated this..
He hated wondering..
He couldnt concentrate in class..ALiyah was all he was thinking about..
He had second doubts abt his desicion to break it off with her...
She was a great girl and she had never done anything wrong...any guy would be lucky to have her..she was pretty..sweet..and so charming..and they clicked..

He sent her a msg" aliyah i miss u"
He felt better after he sent that msg..
Atleast now she will now that he is missing her...

......................

Aliyah went to her room..and looked for her fone..there was a msg notification..she looked at it..and was shocked..
What was wrong with Mohd,,with these mixed signals...one day hes missing her,the next hes ending it with her because of her nationality..
She wasnt going to budge..he had hurt her..
she wasnt a game in his hand,,
She did what any girl would in her place...

she ignored the msg,,,and carried on with her day ...

..Before going to bed..she got a weird number..
Aliyah: im sorry but who is this
unknown: this is Fahad eshd3waa aliyaaa gilna nesatneee 3ad mo chethee
Aliyah: sorry fahad bs m3rf this number..how r u
Fahad beginning to warm up: im ok,..entay eshlonah..min zeman 3anich..gilt i will call n say hi bs
Fahad assumed that she was going to end this conversation as fast as possible as usual but to his surprise...
Aliyah: walah feek el5air fahad..hows australiaa and ur studies..update me..
Fahad began talking about his day and about the usual stuff..he kept telling her funny stories about his roomates..
Aliyah laughed and felt at ease..
it was so easy talking to him..he knows her so well..he felt like family to her..she longed for that comfort
They talked for nearly two hours..before Aliyah excused herself since she felt tired..

...................

Fahad was beyond estatic..he had to tell someone..he went to his roomate and cousin's room Hamad...
Hamad: esfheek chethee shag el7alj..
Fahad: gool min kent a7acheee fil telfoon
Hamad: laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..sijjjj
Fahad: eeeee..sij sij sij meshtag lehaaa...
Hamad was really happy..he loved seeing his baby cousin happy for once.he was so down lately that everyone around them was worried about his well-being especially after the drinking incident..Hamad liked Aliyah..he thought that their love story was special..he was alwys a bit jealous about how lucky Fahad to have someone as loving as Aliyah..
Fahad rambled on and on about his fone call with Aliyah until Hamad had to kick him out of his room since he wanted to study for his test..

Fahad went to his room..smiling ear to ear..he went to is dresser and just stared at their picture..
..it was of their graduation day..Aliyah and him.she looked so beautiful...god she's so beautiful.i miss her..i love her..i want her with me..i will do anything in this world to have her back,,she is everything..everything to me..
...............

Aliyah slept on and off..
thinking about Fahad..and about Mohd..
how is it possible that she was thinking about two guys at the same time...
Fahad was her past
Mohd was her present
but who was going to be her future...

Mohd let go of her so easily..something Fahd would never do..

why god are things so complicated..please let this pass..i just want to be happy..
just to be happy...

"khyalek daym ef bali"

he was all she was thinking about..
she was all he was thinking about..

Mohd sat quietly in his apartment going over what had just happened..did he make the right decision by ending things with Aliyah..he loves her..but the guys were right..she wasn't Kuwaiti and it was an issue to them..they kept telling him how hard it would be to fall in love with a person not from the same country,,Mohd trusted his new-found friends.he believed that they were older and wiser..they understood relationships,,
This was his first serious relationship with a girl..he was young and reckless as they said...
This was the best decision in the long run they said...he kept repeating those words over and over trying to convince himself..
Mohd went to bed that night..upset and alone..he missed her warm voice..this was "their"time..he would call her before going to bed and they would talk for hours and hours..
Before falling asleep, her image lingered in his mind...

On the other hand, Aliyah wasnt able to sleep..she kept waking up..she felt her head was about to explode..she had cried till there were no tears left..she had a headache from crying so much..
She was upset at how fast Mohd had let her go..was this his so called love for her..
She wanted to go home..
She picked up the phone and called the airport to ask for the earliest flights to Bahrain..
...The earliest flight was at 8am...since she wasnt sleeping she decided to book this flight and go home..she wanted nothing to remind her of Mohd..
She got up and started packing..just one carry on...she would miss some classes..but this was worth it..she would go for a 5day break( including the weekend)..
She wore her favorite juicy's and sat back on her bed..
will he realize that she's not in university tomorrow.will he worry..will he call her..her head was filled with questions that she had no answers for..
She sent texts to her best friends telling them she was going to Bahrain last minute since she knew they will be worrying about her...

hours later....

Aliyah was home...it was a short 3 hr flight Beirut to Bahrain...
She was back in her room,,her bed....she felt a hundred times better already..
She let out a loud sigh filled with emotions..
She needed to sleep..
Few minutes passed and Aliyah was sound asleep..exhausted..mentally,physically, and most important.. emotionally...

....................

Mohd went to class..this was going to be awkward since this was his usual meeting spot with ALiyah...
Aliyah's classmates walked out...
Mohd waited for her..
He wanted to talk to her...to apologize only..
He waited..
He went to the classroom and she wasn't there..
That was odd..where was ALiyah..she wasn't in class..

Was she ok?
Was she that upset?
Did she just blow off class so she doesn't see him? Nooo..he knew her too well Aliyah wasnt childish...
What can it be..
Mohd kept thinking and getting more worried more the minute...
If she was upset because of him..he wouldn't be able to handle it..
It was good that he didn't see her..
He would have fallen apart..
And would have begged for her forgiveness..
He didnt care..
he will call her...just to check that is..
He called her...it rang and rang..with no answer..the weird thing was it was long distance..he could tell from the ring..
Where was she..
Was she ok..

He had to stop thinking about her..
This wasn't helping..

2 good 2 be true..

she kept repeating the words he had told her previosuly..
he would tell her: we will be together for eight semesters..
Aliya wondered what he meant..
Mohd laughed and saidd: all through jam3a since each year has two semesters..and enshala ya rab after as well..
This was Mohd's first refrence to thier future..
Aliyah was on air..Mohd said the cutest things..they werent cheesy..what he said is from his heart..and goes directly to hers..
Aliyah was in love..real love..

Tears rolled down her face..
How could she believe him..Mohd was different..he had changed..he had no longer wanted to be with her.
He called her up one day ..completley out of the blue: Aliyah this is really hard for me.bs i dont think we can be together..i can only be with girl i can marry..and ur not Kuwaiti..so im sorry..there is no future between us...i hope you understand..and i hope we can be friends...

Aliyah was so stunned that she mumbled: yeah..mm..ok...

Mohd was taken back by how cold Aliyah was..
Aliyah wasnt cold with him..she was so hurt and taken back that these were the only words she was able to say at that time..
She replayed that phonecall over and over..wishing she could have said something..but maybe it was for the better after all..he didnt want her..and she didnt want to beg..

Aliyah noticed that for the past month or so Mohd was acting different and aloof..she assumed he was stressed out with work..What was different in him was that he made new friends..all guys from Kuwait..Had they talked him out of dating her...was that possible..
This was he only new change in him..and it wasnt as if there was another girl in the picture..Mohd distanced himself from the girls in unversity with the exception of her and her friends...
Her innocent..caring..loving Mohd had changed.
He had left her..


Aliyah couldnt stop crying..she hugged her pink quilt..thinking to herself..should she go home for the weekend..she needed a break..and Bahrain cheers her up..
She didnt know what to do..
How could she be so blind..
How can she not see this coming..

She had trusted him
and he had let her down..

She was furious at him..
She opened her drawer and found his letters...Whenver Mohd was bored in class..he would write her a small love letter..she tore them all apart..ALL lies...lies..

She shouldnt have dated him
She was wrong in picking him.
she was soooo wrong..and she will pay the price for this..

She got a text..
it was Mohd..
sending a title of a song..
"abdulla rwasheed..e3feeny"

was this his way of degrading her more...

her life had officially ended..

She would never be the same again..

Its so weird how ppl that you dont know for such a long time have an impact so great..

She didnt know that he will continue playing with her heart for years to come..

to be continued...


enjoy xoxoxo

p.s guys..what would you want me to talk about next..:P continue with what happens..or...

L.O.V.E

aliyah knew who she was going to pick..
Her heart had decided..finally.
It was a rough couple of days..but she knew that he was the one..he was the love of her life..

This descion changed the course of her life..eight years later she still wonders if she had made the right choice..so many people's lives were effected..but i guess its a curse to live in a world always wondering "what if this happened or that"..anywys this is a story for some other time...

Aliyah picked up her phone and dialled his ever so familiar number
His warm comforting voice made her smile..
She had those butterflies..still..
He was wondering why she had been distant...and how he wants to see her as soon as possible.

Aliyah closed her phone..and looked at her closet..deciding what to wear..
She picked a yellow wrap dress ( since she was still tanned and the yellow looked good)
she wore tiny diamond earings..and her favorite Gina mini heels..

She met him in Starbux...
she came in before him..
she waited..she sent texts to her friends..telling them about her descion and where she was since they were wondering where she was..she had been lying low for the past couple of days not wanting to be influenced in anyone's opinion..


He walked in and Aliayh didnt notice him since she was busy texting the girls..
He was looking at her with such love for a minute until Aliyah felt someone's eyes on her..

Their eyes met..Her heart melted right there and then..Mohd had lavender roses in his hands for her...
An arrangment of 20 flowers..
he gave her the flowers..
and she was overwhelmed..
Blushing she asked: laish t3bt nafsik 7beby ..
Mohd: entay testahlain akthar..i brought u twenty flowers for the amazing twenty days that we've had so far..walah mat3arfen eshkether ana mistanis weyach..
Aliyah knew right there..this was her confirmation...she was right
she had made the right descion in choosing Mohd..
he was after all "7ub 7yaity"..
Aliyah: i love the flowers..walahh thank u so much
Mohd: btw i specfically picked lavender for a reason..bs i wont tel u...i'll wait until u find out..
Aliyah was curious..
what was the meaning behind lavender roses..
she knew that red was love..white was friendship..but she was unaware of the meaning of the lavender rose..
They had a nice coffee date filled with laughter and flirting:)

Mohd: 3aloyty agdar ad5en eshwaii baraaa oo ared...
Mohd never smoked infront of Aliyah or in her company since he belived it wasnt right..he just couldnt..
Aliyah, the easy-going girl laughed: ofcourse..bs i swear that i will let u cut down on these cigarettes..bekoun my new year resolution..
Mohd laughed...: ok baby..dgyeg o ared lach..

Aliyah was playing with her fone since she was waiting for Mohd..
She got a text from him..she wondered if he had sent it by accident..

Mohd's text :: its a ten! u r beautiful!

Aliayah laughed..she loved how romantic Mohd was..

she sent a txt back saying :: aham shay u like;) can u come back please..

Then she heard a laugh,,,Mohd was sitting next to her without her realizing...
Mohd: can u come back haa...ma 6walt 3laich
Aliyah laughed: maby ag3ed ebro7eee...
Mohd: walah i will alwys be with u..walah wala..
Aliyah: aya 3laik( blushing...her face was red)

They sat for what seemed like forever..just talking and catching up since Aliyah was a bit distant..Mohd took this oportunity since he had been waiting for it..
He liked having her back..
he knew she was going thru something but he didnt know what..

what was important that he had her back...

He walked her to her car...
and gave her a kiss on her forehead..
drive safely 7beebty..
dgeleee min to9lain elsakan

....
As Aliyah drove off..she wiped away her tears..she was happy..she was really happy
Her heart picked Mohd..
It felt good..she felt as if she was walking on air...

Isnt love the most beautiful feeling in the world??




** btw the meaning of a lavender rose is love at first sight (sigh..isnt Mohd romantic!!!!)


to be continued...



(sorry this took a while..bs i wasnt inspired..and as soon as i did.i wrote from my heart,and the words just flowed out of me...i love u all..thanks for being there for me xxx)

bittersweet memories..

** this post is dedicated to love..thanks for making me want to write again and not giving up..



Aliyah woke up the sound of her phone..
It was 3am her time..who would call at this time..

She saw it was a "no number" and decided not to pick it up fearing it was Fahad..The caller was persistent..The phone kept on ringing and ringing..until Aliyah had enough...

She picked up the phone and it was Fahad crying..
Fahad: Aliyahhhh ana a7bich laish etsween fenee chethee..ma tabenee y3ni..walah ana abeeech...laish mat7beneee...laishhhh..LAISH....( she could tell there was something wrong w his voice)

Aliyah: Fahad eshfeeek..ana ma rdait 3laik lal7eeeen..eshfeeeek... ent 3azez 3ali oo ent et3arf hal shay

Fahad sobbing: Aliyahhh lat'hdeeeeeee..rdely 3aliyah wala maggdar a3esh bedonich....
YOU know what...I HATE U FOR DOING THIS TO ME...I HATE U...I HATE UU

Aliyah was confused..what was wrong with him...and then she got her answer...
Someone took the phone from Fahad..It was Fahad's roomate and cousin Hamad.": Aliyah sorry elyoum Fahad nfsetaa t3bana ena nesateh 3eedmeladaa oo enach ma tbenaaa...(and then he said in a low voice visablly upset)...he went out with some guys today and he drank"

Aliyah was shocked..Fahad was conservative..doesnt go clubbing..doesnt have friends that are girls..doesnt drink or smoke..and prays and is deveoted..
Aliyah trying not to cry: fahad yeshrab?musta7eeel
Hamad: maby a7sesch bil thanb aw shay bs hay elii 9ar..trah uhwa e7bich oo sij e7s eb'3al6etaa.
Aliyah entay fakray feha eshwaii..ana a3zkum ethnantkum..oo atmanaa min kil galbyyy ena et9eren mert fahad..wala ana ma cheft a7la min q9at 7ubkum...

Aliyah went quiet..Hamad always said that about them..She knew that he was sincere and honest..She told him to take care of Fahad and to calm him down..and to msg her if anything else happened..She was genuinely concerned about Fahad....

The guilt she felt was unbelievable..she couldnt stop crying..What has she done to Fahad..He fell apart..and it was all because of her..She had never seen him like this..

She opened her bedside lamp and opened her drawer and looked for her diary..
She found it..she looked for Fahad's letters..

She and Fahad had made a pact before leaving Bahrain to their universities that they will send love letters to each other from time to time as a suprise..
It was Aliyah's idea..She thought it would make their long distance love stronger...
She opened up Fahad's letter..
He sent her pictures of his apartment..his car..him in starbux...

In the picture he was wearing her hat..it was a light blue armani exchange hat..She had given it to him before she left..she wanted to leave pieces of her with him so he doesnt forget her..

Had she jumped to conclusion and start a realtionship so soon with Mohd...She felt like she was a cheater and a liar..

She re-read parts of her diary...it was filled with memories of her and Fahad...she put down the diary and got her album of pics..
Her album was filled with her graduation pictures of her and Fahad since they went to the same highschool..

During their graduation..the first person to congraulate her was Fahad..they were both searching for each other in the crowded room after the ceramony..it was filled with happy parents..brothers and sisters of the graduates..And there was Fahad..looking for her..
His face lit up when he saw her..She was his world...he ran towards her and hugged her so hard that he literally picked her up...she loved him so much..
she cried while she hugged him and he reassured her that he was never going to leave her...ever..

They had so much history...

Is she willing to let it all go for Mohd...

Mohd

Fahad

Mohd

Fahad

who will it be
who will she pick...


Only time can tell....

to be continued....

**** this post was really hard to write..its charged with raw emotions..and i hope u guys feel what i have felt..